In Defense of PDA

Aug 10th

Seemingly forever doomed to be a hot-button issue, public displays of affection have perpetually held a high-ranking spot in polarizing topics.

Is PDA a twosome disease that haunts your dreams and favorite bistro, forcing you to stare at walls and make passive-aggressive gestures while writhing in discomfort? Not really.

“Nobody wants to see that,” people frequently say in disapproval of PDA, and it seems to make sense until you examine the zeitgeist of our current culture. In a time when 5 million people of various ages, backgrounds, and interests regularly tune in to True Blood, a plotless softcore porn series masquerading as a supernatural drama, are you entirely confident with making the statement that nobody wants to see even a little bit of that?

While I don’t necessarily endorse re-enacting seven minutes in heaven in the corner of Forever 21 or under-the-table body exams in class, I do endorse affection, public or not, and I think that the notion that it should be all but forgotten the second a couple walks out of their front door is bordering on insane.

My boyfriend and I have completely G-rated pet names for one another. I call him by his in public, partially because it’s kind of a reflex at this point and it’s easier for you to stop eavesdropping on my conversation than it is for me to rework my vocabulary, but mostly because I like calling him that. When I was a child, my parents were friends with another couple who would casually refer to the other as “angel blossom” and “kumquat.” I thought it was weird at the time, mostly because I still don’t know what an angel blossom is or why anyone would think of a kumquat as particularly endearing, but in hindsight I think it is adorable that they didn’t feel the need to switch to formalities over something sweet and harmless just because other people might be listening.

And I’m sorry that I’m not sorry, but I like holding hands. I like kissing and being kissed. I like to cuddle. I don’t go out of my way to unleash my sexuality over brunch, but if I feel like giving the person I’m dating a kiss, I’m going to do it without warning or remorse. I’m not kissing you, so relax.

Contrary to popular belief, none of these things are comparable to secondhand smoke. Side-effects can be avoided entirely by rotating your head 30 degrees in any direction, checking your Twitter replies on your smartphone, or actually paying attention to the person that you’re out with. I know — it’s shocking how easy it is to be unaffected by someone else’s date.

What I’m trying to say is that if seeing any physical expression of romance is offensive to you, I think it’s time to take your heart out of the freezer. Couples shouldn’t feel stifled by the great outdoors and the public judgment that inevitably awaits them.

There’s nothing gross about being in love.

Photo found on http://www.flickr.com/photos/marrywedding/5750137700

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About the Author, filleosophy

Hi! I'm Cézanne and I'm kind of a handful. You can find me at filleosophy.com, @filleosophy, filleosophy.tumblr.com, or in a perpetual state of distress.

MM

amen sister!!
http://www.theTsaritsasez.com/ Alexandra the Tsaritsa

I agree. There’s nothing wrong with being sweet and showing affection for your loved one in public. I hold hands and call my boyfriend “koo-koo” (which is one of our weird pet names we call each other) in public.

I’d be opposed to people straight-up having sex in a public park or what-have-you, but kissing and being sweet are nice things.
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SelphieFairy

This happens beyond high school? lol. I don’t see this happen much at my college minus parties(and my university is a famous party school), so I’m surprised this is an issue. Regardless, my 2c:

I don’t think most people would object to hand holding or a little peck (except maybe in some places in japan where kissing = an act of sex… lol just wanted to throw that out there). cuddling is borderline for me… i think it’s gross to do that in public. I hate people who CONSTANTLY hang around each other and CONSTANTLY touch and hold each other in public. This and anything beyond is I see it as vulgar. I would imagine this is where most people are coming from when they say they don’t like PDA. Excessive use of pet-names(I don’t use pet-names period… I just find them stupid) and imitating speech towards infants may be vomit-inducing and extremely annoying as well, but I don’t consider that PDA.

If you’re hanging out with a group of people but all you do is pay attention to your “honey” and hang on to him all day, you shouldn’t even have left the house. People who are do excessive PDA seem like they’re not paying attention to you and are trying to “show off” or rub their relationship into other peoples’ faces (and it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not). I believe things li should be kept private, that’s kind of what makes them special.Otherwise it makes you seem petty and dependent. Also, I’ve had the pleasant experience of feeling that by talking or spending time with one person I am also spending time with their partner by extension. So don’t be surprised if people start wanting to be around you less.
VanessaW

But there is something selfish about leaving friends to twiddle their thumbs or excluding other people because a couple can’t have a conversation when they’re too busy making out. I’m not saying all forms of pda are unacceptable by any means, but there’s a time and place for things. Casual, easy affection is great–but if you’re so into each other you can’t concentrate on anyone or anything else, why not just take it home?
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Allison

I don’t know. PDA still annoys me. If you don’t care about making other people uncomfortable, then that’s fine, but it’s not polite. Yesterday, I was at work, selling tickets at a movie theater. There was a couple hugging and kissing and she was putting her hands up his shirt, in the middle of the lobby. In this case, I couldn’t “turn my head 30 degrees” because they were standing right in front of me and my only other option would have been to turn around and ignore the other customers. Holding hands and pet names can be cute, but kissing and making out in the middle of a building is just annoying. Go to a park or sit in your car. We don’t need to see that.
Olive

I totally agree! And personally, I think it’s just our North American culture. I was recently in Chile, and everywhere you go, there are teenagers in the parks, kissing sweetly and holding hands always, and it’s a much more romantic atmosphere, it seems. No one cared at all, it was just normal. Husbands and wives call each other “mi amor” ALL the time.

For such a sexualized culture, we sure do like to repress NORMAL sexuality and love. Romance is beautiful.