Moving from a casual hook up to a real relationship strikes me as an art form, and one of the oldest art forms, at that. Both people have to be on the same page at the same time. If one person is ready to drop the “love” bomb while the other person is still looking through his/her Little Black Book, well clearly you have a problem. It’s only when the two people are mentally in the same place at the same time (believe me, you don’t even have to physically be in the same place) that true relationship magic can happen. Think about how many times you’ve hooked up with someone for a little while, only to have the “relationship” fall by the wayside. I’m sure the same thing has happened to your friends. If it was easy to go from hook up to relationship then it would happen every time with no fizzling out to speak of.

At the same time, I know that some of my friends (and myself in the past) might have done things to keep a good thing from progressing without even realizing it. So how do you get out of your own way and allow a solid hook up/crush to progress into a relationship? Ask yourself these questions:

1.) Who are you with when you see him? Are you always with your best friends when Future Boyfriend is around? It may feel completely normal to go out with a group of five or six girlfriends, but that can be intimidating to a guy who’s trying to take things to the next level with you. He doesn’t know them well, and he’s still trying to be on his best behavior around you. Obviously you want to make sure you’re getting your alone time in with him, but when you go out you should try to make the group you’re with smaller. Instead of bringing five friends along, try bringing just one or two. It will be a lot more manageable for him. You could also have him bring a few friends, too.

2.) Where are you when you see him? Do you only see him in class? Do you only see him at the bar? Do you only see him in his room at 2 a.m.? Hopefully the answer is “no” to all of the above. Ideally you see your guy in a mixture of situations, some of which include sober, daytime hangouts. But if you don’t, you should probably do something about that before you go from “it’s complicated” to “in a relationship.”

3.) Case of the Ex: You might have no problem hearing about girls he used to date. After all, there’s a reason they’re not around now.  But in a new relationship, it can be risky to bring up the Dreaded Ex. Obviously it’s fine to mention who they were, how long you dated, and other need-to-know facts, but anything more than that is probably overkill. What you think is sharing (or even proving how experienced you are) could actually be coming off as “I’m not over him.” Probably not the message you want to send.

3.) Emotional Overload OR Lack Thereof: There are two sides to the emotional coin, and either one of these sides (unfortunately) can prevent you from moving your relationship to the next level. Do you get really emotional really quickly? Ready to have him meet the parents after a few weeks? This can be an issue. It’s great that you have no inhibitions and are ready to let love in, but at the same time you don’t want to spook your new guy. To you it’s sweet and sentimental, to him it may just be an indication that you’re Photoshopping your faces together to get a sense of what your children will look like.  The flip side of this is a lack of emotion. If you’ve been hurt in the past and are afraid to get emotionally attached, this could be holding you back from a new, healthy relationship. Again, it’s a fine line.

So if you’re in the gray area between hook up and “he’s my boyfriend,” think about whether you’re holding yourself back from getting all the love you deserve.

Get in touch with me anytime. On Twitter: @lifewithlauren1. My Vyou Channel or via my blog.

Photo found on http://anaskadhim.tumblr.com/

Share and Enjoy