So, I don’t know when it happened, but I somewhere along the way I have realized that my Mom is a genius.
To be fair, I have been learning that for awhile now. When it came to love (and sex) my Mom is not stodgy or even an “I told you so” kind of person. There are no reminders of how badly she wants grand kids and I have never been pressured to get married or “settle down.” She has always given me a good amount of respect when it comes to guys and I appreciated it. That lack of pressure and judgement has kept me dating mostly, really great guys. (Keyword of that sentence is mostly, dating coaches have to get their stories from somewhere!)
But as I get older, I am realizing that my Mom and her generation maybe had some real smarts when it came to dating. I remember rolling my eyes as a teen when I heard the stories of her youth about dating and going steady. I figured she just didn’t get the intense chemistry I had with guys. That she had no idea how good it felt to start the witty banter and feel the amazing electricity and connection. Leading into life stopping moments of chemistry, kisses and sex.
But I am ready to admit it, I was wrong. (Did you hear that mom?)
This post is not my announcement to let you know I am coming to your school with the newest abstinence speech or to talk about STDs and condoms. We can make that another post if you need it. This is to let you know that I have been looking around and hate to say that things have gotten a little f*cked up.
Between new communications styles (texting, facebook) and a confusing mindset, something has happened a long the way. We have let go of any kind of semblance of dating and even romance. Holding onto our hearts tightly so that we wouldn’t get hurt, we walk along a little blindly hoping love will find us. Making terrible choices, putting ourselves in bad situations and then walking away with our feelings hurt. Wondering if we should even try again.
I am here to tell you, you should. But it is time to stop calling guy “douchebags” for taking advantage of situations that YOU put yourself in. Not asking for what you want and need and not setting up the boundaries to have it go anywhere. Pretending you are OK with “the hook-up” when you are really hoping that it will turn into a relationship. C’mon, ladies….I know you do that.
So next time, after you have had a few drinks and awesome conversation with your crush, here are a few things to think about….
Three Reasons to Keep Your Panties On, Ladies.
1. Keeps you off the crazy train: Has this happened to you? You like a guy. It would seem he likes you by the flirting and hot hook up sesh that has happened a few times now. You are nothing less than pee your pants excited. This is clearly heading towards love! Then you start looking around and something isn’t quite right. Isn’t he supposed to be texting more or calling? Shouldn’t we be making plans? Who the hell is that girl all over his facebook wall? WTF????
When we rush into things with a guy we start to assume it is going somewhere, when lots of times it just…..isn’t. But since you kind of jumped in you didn’t really talk about it and it leaves you confused and feeling like sh*t. I am not going to give you the “you are a precious flower” speech, but if you are giving it away for free without even talking about it, you are going to end up in this place more than once. Holding the phone, sad and waiting for the crazy train to come into the station.
2. You can keep your eyes open: OMG!!!! He is PERFECT! You can’t believe how much you have in common. That he listens to the same music as you, is a psych major AND loves weiner dogs! Why wouldn’t you be getting it on with this guy? I mean, he is probably going to be the father of your children.
Then at some point you wake up 3-6 months later and realize he wasn’t quite the dream guy you thought he was. In fact, you have some big stuff that you don’t agree on, he doesn’t really know how to talk about his feelings and man, how did you NOT see those annoying habits before?
When we are jumping in physically, we create a connection that really isn’t there. Our bodies are telling us to “go for it” so loudly that we ignore the important stuff that really makes relationships good.
3. Wooing is the sh*t: I will say this once and I will say it again. WHERE THE F*CK DID HOLDING HANDS GO??? We have somehow bypassed some of the best parts of getting to know someone and the whole deliciousness of the excitement of possibility. I remember my first boyfriend holding my hand and my stomach would be full of pterodactyls. Butterflies my ass. In the beginning every kiss was magical and building towards something beautiful. Of course, first loves are special, but I think part of why it is so special is because you are discovering love together. I don’t think that has to be just for first loves though. You can discover love with every relationship you have.
However, we don’t ask for it anymore. We don’t say “call me” or “ask me out.” We hope that by kissing them from the beginning, something beautiful will just “happen.” However, I have never heard any respectable guy say I am dumping her if we aren’t sleeping together right away. In fact, people tend to give more respect to people who ask for it.
So go ahead. Keep those panties on and ask for it. You may be surprised about what you get.
Photo found on http://cuteunderwear.tumblr.com/post/8361697199