Are you afraid of being alone?

He’s sweet, cute and kind. He has a good sense of humor, opens your car door and takes you out to dinner. He’s successful, has a nice family and the best part? He likes you. But the real question is: Do you like him?

We spend our lives dating; from the time we finish high school, we may have had one, if not several, boyfriends. By college, this number has increased and after graduation, you’ve lost count. But how many of those guys did you really care for? How many guys have you dated long-term that you KNEW within the first month or even by the first date that he wasn’t the one?

I’m interested in this concept not only from my own experiences with dating, but by observing the relationships of my girlfriends for so many years. We date in search for Mr. Right and yet, do we ever give him a chance to find us?

I’m talking to you serial daters: the girls who date guy after guy or those serial monogamists who refuse to find out what single life is really all about. I’m talking to you ladies who are more scared of being lonely than of dating the wrong guy.

So what’s a girl to do? The same thing she does every time: Dates a guy she is unsure of for an extended period of time only to become emotionally attached to an individual she never really liked to begin with. She may “fall in love” eventually, but are her feelings genuine love or emotional security?

The fact of the matter is, when we do this, we are settling. The guy described above is a nice guy, (read: there is nothing wrong with him), so we give him a shot despite our own feelings of insecurity about the relationship actually going somewhere. But do we really want a guy who is “good enough,” or do we want someone who is “great”? Are we so afraid of loneliness that we refuse to dump the guy we know isn’t right for us just to have someone by our side?

In many cases, the answer is yes. We see our friends in happy relationships, couples walking down the street holding hands and we watch sappy romance movies that make us all want what we don’t have. The only problem is, we are never going to get what our friends have, become a happy couple on the street or even find Hollywood Love from Mr. Wrong, even if he isn’t Mr. Horrible. Because in the end, Mr. Wrong can never be Mr. Right, no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves otherwise.

What we need to do is be confident enough in ourselves that we will eventually find Mr. Right, that we will find happiness with the right guy and we will one day have a guy hold a stereo outside our bedroom window (I hope you get the Say Anything reference). The only way it will happen is by being patient and no longer wasting time with guys who we know hold no place in our future.

How can we expect to find Mr. Right when we are always dating Mr. Wrong?

by Annie Maguire

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About the Author,

real. college. love. really smart people.