Are you being “that girl” in the relationship?

You’re upset he didn’t call you to say goodnight. You don’t want to tell him you’re upset, because it’s just a phone call and so what? You also know you very well could’ve called to say goodnight, but you didn’t. You wanted to wait to see if he would. As if him calling is reassurance that he is thinking about you. As if we need that reassurance. As if he wouldn’t be thinking of you. Look at you.

We are ladies who should be so done with our days of waiting by the phone. I get it, we’re testing our men to prove something to us, but if you look closely, you already know the answer to what you’re looking for. Of all the women in all the world, he chose you. Lucky bastard that he even gets you as his arm candy. Realize this, accept it without needing further reassurance and do not become “The Check In Girl.” Not sure who you picture when you read that, but I picture the tight-ass girlfriend in The Hangover who would nag her day away. Her need to know-it-all and to be so bloody controlling made us thrilled that bad teeth dude accidentally/drunkenly married Heather Graham. Boys will be boys and the sooner you embrace that mentality – I assure you – the happier you’ll be.

Drop the caring or wondering how he acts when he’s out doing his mandatory catch up with the boys thing. In fact, be so lucky that he has a group of friends he can wind down with. We all need a form of release. Imagine what you’d do without those coffee talks with your girls, where the people at the table next to you get way more than they bargained for (lucky them).

Let the man in your life show you the type of person he is by allowing him space to do things, say things and act in ways that he does on his own, because he wants to. No amount of guilt and no amount of pressure will make either of you any better off. In fact, once you play that “Why didn’t you call?”card, you’ll cause his feeling of freedom to plummet to a point where he’ll end up holding back details on where he really was, what he was really doing and who he was really with for fear of your judgments or making you further feel upset.

Hop off the control train, don’t put pressure on but a measly phone call that you could easily do without (hey you should be enjoying the independence you’ve just been granted, girl!) and be that cool, confident broad he fell for in the first place. Oh and the best part about taking this viewpoint is when you’re out with the girls or doing your own thing, you need not ‘check in’ either. Space is healthy, what’s not is trying to manipulate it to work in – what you think is – your favor.

Miss his call because you don’t need it. When we drop the need for things, reward tends to follow.

- Jenny Jen

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About the Author,

Jen Kirsch spent three of her first four years in College in a relationship. In her fourth, she let go of the idea of monogamy and did some very valuable “research”. This research has allowed her to make a name for herself as the go-to relationship expert, columnist and blogger in Canada. Her quick wit and all too honest tone (and background in broadcast journalism) make Jenny Jen the perfect role model for us college kids who need some advice from a best friend when our best friend doesn’t have the guts to say what we really need to her. Her blog Blonde, Bronzed, Twentysomething has the answers (and anecdotes) to everything and anything on your mind. Can we say twentysomething Carrie Bradshaw, anyone?