Broken telephone – more than just a kids game. Welcome to my world: I have been living in a nation of miscommunication, where hearing what you want to hear and ignoring what you don’t reign supreme. Oh wait, it’s the other way around. Miscommunication is common ground for us twentysomethings. If only people could just be more authentic, and say what they mean and act according to what they say, we would all live in a land of clarity and not a world ridden by obsession and endless analysis.
Have you ever chatted with a guy, thought you were getting somewhere, and then an hour or two in to the conversation you realize that you still don’t understand what he’s talking about?
Types of Miscommunication:
1) The Say One Thing, Do Another Thing Guy:
You invest your time and energy in a conversation with a guy, and truly try to grasp what he is saying. Whether the conversation is an hour, or all day, you really involve yourself in his words. You wrap your pretty-little head around them, then the next day his actions totally contradict his words. These guys are the worst because they leave you in a constant-continent-of-confusion. Rule of thumb: follow the feet, not the tongue. What does this mean? No matter what the dude says, it’s what he does that really counts. Any guy can promise anything or he can say certain things to avoid a total b*tch-fest, but if his actions don’t match his words, turns out he’s the one who’s the b*tch, no?
2) The All Over the Place Guy:
This guy knows what he wants, right now! He means what he says and says what he means, the only issue is that his thoughts are ever changing. He lives in an indecisive world where he struggles between a) what he really wants, b) what he thinks is right, b) what his friends tell him to do. He is influenced by anyone and everyone and when left on his own, he follows his heart. But don’t open your heart for his, because this guy is a violator of communication. Just when you think you’re on the same page, he get’s a new book and you’re left trying to find an open library to get a hold of it. Not fun.
3) The Guy who Doesn’t Say what he Really Means:
Perhaps this guy is passive. Perhaps he’s just not yet a man. Perhaps he thinks that eventually we should take a hint. Perhaps he doesn’t want to hurt us. But no matter what the reason is, it never ends well. The thing with the guy who doesn’t say what he really means is that he keeps us hanging by a thread without even knowing it. Though it’s tough to swallow that pill called brutal honesty, once it goes down, it really does medicate and heal us. In fact, taking it in will allow us to know what is really going on. If a guy is authentic and is clear with his thoughts, feelings, etc., then we can take it for what it is and we can be in the know so we can make our decisions accordingly. But when the guy doesn’t say what he really feels (eg: “I can’t do coffee today because I have to rush back to the office for a meeting, maybe another day this week” – when really he knows full well that he doesn’t want to see you for coffee today, tomorrow or ever.) You are kept hanging and end up looking desperado when tomorrow runs around and you call him to meet up for that coffee that “he suggested.” When another excuse comes up you become a fool for his candy.
So there you have it. Be aware of these three forms of miscommunication and avoid them at all costs. Because miscommunication leads to unwanted and unnecessary stress, confusion and coffee dates with friends where they don’t even get to have a word in.
- Jenny Jen