You’re sitting side-by-side with your bestie as you both get manicures. You know you have at least 45 minutes or so to swap stories from your past week. You get ready to divulge all (well almost all) of the details of the date you went on with you-know-who and fill her in on the other guys in your life as well.
Do you ever catch yourself playing editor while sharing these stories, leaving out details for fear that you will be judged or feel shameful? Do you catch yourself radio editing your stories?
My readers, fans and acquaintances often come to me for my expert opinion in the realm of dating. In order to advise them properly and to help them obtain their ideal outcome, I have them give me the following details about the men or women they want advice on, including:
- a summary about who the person is
- their history
- their present
I use this information to help determine two things: where the advice seeker went wrong; and how to get them out of the situation and on to a happy ending, based on their history with the other person.
When specific details aren’t shared in the story telling process, it makes it impossible to give accurate advice. Sure, when the date came to an end the guy could have said a simple one-liner that totally threw you off, but no matter how great a date is, that one-liner could explain it all.
I’ve caught myself withholding some details from friends, which I thought weren’t the most becoming, but in doing so I’ve done myself a disservice. Things aren’t always perfect; if they were we wouldn’t have to run to friends for advice out of self-doubt.
Count on friends who won’t judge you, so you don’t have to radio edit your stories. Have you ever heard a hit single on iTunes, after previously hearing it numerous times on the radio? Although there are expletive at times – the full version of the song puts everything into context. And so it is the same in your life. The more detailed your story is, the more reliable the advice will be that you’re getting in return.
Photo found on http://itsjustforgirls.tumblr.com/page/9