Are You Reacting or Responding?

I sit in a cafe during my lunch hour to write a blog post, and I see a twenty-something outside the window, iPhone in hand, pacing as she talks. Though I’d like to think I could read lips, I don’t think I’d want to right now. She has that tell-all look on her face and I just know what is going on in that call. I’ve had one of those calls before. And I’ve seen them happen many a time to others.

It’s an argument. It’s likely with a partner (former or current) and it doesn’t look like one of those healthy “Let’s wait until I get in from work, honey” kinda talks. Though she’s wearing her power suit, she may as well be bare. Everything is evident; the outfit but a mask to what’s really going on. I want to go over there and tell her to just hang up the phone, to go about her day and let her anger pass her by because, as we all know, it will. See that’s the thing when we’re worked up, when we have something on our minds, when our egos and hearts are bruised, when we feel like we don’t have all the answers we need and when we are playing detective. We don’t realize that once we allow the physiological feelings (rushed adrenaline, ever-so-pounding heart, shakes) to die down, that we wouldn’t say the things we do during those calls because we wouldn’t think the way we do.

We live in a world of immediacy, so when we are triggered by something we often act on impulse, giving into the physiological and not allowing room for the rational to kick in. Dare I challenge you to ‘breathe deeply’ when hit by the ever-toxic trigger? Dare I ask you to let a few minutes pass by as you (attempt) to busy yourself with something else, allowing your body and mind to not go into overdrive?

Don’t feed into yourself. Don’t be that girl. That girl that has to leave the office to have one of those phone calls. That girl that stresses out and creates more drama, when the problem would be way better off dealt with after some time has passed by (and some privacy is allotted).

I remember those girls. Hey, I even remember those guys. I’ve seen them leave dinner tables at functions. I’ve seen them leave their office desk. I’ve seen them step into the other room when we are in a friend’s apartment. I’ve even seen them in a hallway at the Wynn in Las Vegas (isn’t this supposed to be the happiest place in the world?) And what do I remember them for? For engaging in something that is likely some “talking in circles” since no one is effective at communicating when in that state.

So yes, I want the little relationship know-it-all in me to walk on over to little lady out there. I want to take her iPhone out of her perfectly-polished fingertips, and I want to hang up the phone for her and tell her to go to work. That life is short. That this call isn’t worth her time (or his). But instead, as I publish this post, and head out of here to go back to work, I’ll instead hand her my card, with a link to this post. Speaking of which, if you are the she I’m speaking of, let us know if this piece helped and if you so wish you had read it before-the-fact.

The difference between responding, instead of reacting, can save you from embarrassment, regret and wasted time. When we react, we insert verbal stabs into the other person’s psyche. How can there be room for love, when we let our physiology allow us to cause so much hate?

Photo found on http://needyourtime.tumblr.com/post/5110615406/o-problema-nunca-foi-a-distancia-e-estar-ao-seu