It’s today’s world it’s considered kind of funny, even cute to be a bumbling mess. It works for Kate Hudson and Sandra Bullock in almost every romantic comedy. But unfortunately, in the real world being a hot mess isn’t as attractive and you’re just seen as a mess. Sometimes the world can get to you and it’s OK to have your moments. At times the only way to work your way back up is to hit rock bottom. While it may seem like things will never look up, when you finally make it back to the top there are a gem of lessons you collect on your journey back up. Here’s what I learned from my breakdown.
1) You Are In Control
When it feels like your life is spinning and you feel like you have nothing to do but stay caught in the funnel cloud and there’s nothing to do but sit and and succumb to the idea that you are the next Courtney Love- don’t! Regardless of the situation there is a way for you to take control. You might not be able to change everything at once but there is at least one thing that you can manipulate or change to start to create bigger change. Once you start making small changes, the large changes will seem easier to tackle and at some point you will have conquered the downward spiral before you had the chance to hit rock bottom. The worst thing to do is nothing at all.
2) The Only Thing That Matters Is You
How often are we upset by other people? Breakups, friends talking behind our backs, not getting our dream job. None of that has to do with you. Those are other people’s issues and for some reason or another the issue caused them to act in a way that was hurtful towards you. But if you’re laying in bed for the next three weeks moping around about how someone else’s actions affected you, now YOU are the one making you miserable. Do whatever you need to do to get your head clear and focus on yourself. What do you want? This is obviously a much trickier question than it sounds like but you figure out what it is that you want and you focus on that. There are no guarantees in life with anything or anyone and if you give up what you want out of your life for someone else you will probably regret it forever. While I wouldn’t recommend emulating most of Oxygen’s “Bad Girls Club” the girls in the cast almost every season use the phrase “You do you, I gotta do me.” So do YOU.
3) Give Love
When I’m feeling down I can be the meanest, snarkiest person on the planet, next to Simon Cowell. But it only makes me feel even worse. Wallowing in what I hate about my neighbors wardrobe isn’t getting me anywhere. But offering to dog sit for her did. I believe in the laws of attraction and when you give love and positive energy, you receive it back. So no matter how small a kind deed seems it’s worth it for you and to help brighten someone else’s day to give love instead of sit in judgement.
Having a breakdown is nothing to be embarrassed about. It happens to everyone. No one would argue that life is tough. The most important thing is to try to have a tiny bit of self-awareness and realize that this is a phase and we are not powerless against it. What have YOU learned from going through tough times?
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You’ve worked your ass off all week and everyone else is getting primped and coiffed for a weekend on the town. The problem: you are exhausted and want to relax. Have no fear. There are actually some benefits to staying in on a Saturday night…and here are the things I learned when I did just that this weekend.
1. It’s Good To Be Mysterious
While all of the other girls are out putting themselves on display, your absence will create an heir of mystery for your crush. Where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with? No one was ever desired when they were too available. Your crush doesn’t have to know that you’re at home watching “Crazy, Stupid, Love” On Demand- but he will know that you have options other than following him around like a Real Housewife chases fame. Even better…ignore the late night text he will inevitably send you. The fact that you’re busy doing your own thing will drive him crazy and will increase his desire for you…perhaps enough for him to commit.
2. You Can Catch Up On Your Beauty Regimen
Paint my nails on a Tuesday night? No f-ing way. During the week we are running around trying to get all of our work done, squeeze in a quick workout, and stay afloat. Even if I were to put on a face mask M-F, I wouldn’t enjoy it. But, on a Saturday night you are able to enjoy the pleasure of pampering yourself. There’s no rushing around or trying to make sure you didn’t miss a spot with your blow out. We are usually trying to beautify ourselves for guys (or to make other girls jealous), but it’s really nice when we just want to take care of ourselves and enjoy feeling good. So grab that bottle of lotion you’ve been staring at in your bathroom for the past few weeks and get your silky skin on. A little extra beauty sleep never hurt anyone.
3. No Drama
Alcohol + Catty Girls + Boys = Trouble. Whether your bestie is complaining about how her hookup is ignoring her text, or how she hates the girl at the other end of the bar, a Saturday night can be a recipe for disaster for you. Whenever alcohol is in the mix we all act stupid. Sometimes we drunk dial someone we shouldn’t, sometimes we incite an argument, or sometimes we just act a fool. It feels pretty good to enjoy an evening without your drama or anyone else’s exacerbated by the poison of liquor. And the bonus, you wake up in the morning feeling good both physically and mentally. No wondering, “what did I do last night” or “I hope he/she isn’t mad at me for..” Clarity is a nice change once and a while.
4. Increased Productivity On Sunday
Do you always intend to wake up for the farmers market but that hangover just needs to be slept off? Supposed to go to brunch with a pal but that after-party just took it out of you? Need to do the work you have been putting off all weekend, but reading anything more complex than US Weekly is making your eyes hurt and your stomach nauseous? When you stay in on Saturday, you are bright-eyed and bushy tailed on Sunday, ready to take care of any errands, work, or meetings you pushed to the end of the weekend. While none of these activities are fun, sometimes it’s necessary for us all to get our shit together and even get ahead for the current week. You don’t want your favorite dress sitting at the cleaners because you are seeing double and don’t get off work in time to make it there during the week. Get a good night’s sleep, get up and be that early bird that catches the worm and destroys it.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating becoming a hermit by any means. But sometimes we all need a break from our busy lives and the theatrics of the weekend to shut down and re-charge. Going out on weekends is for amateurs anyway, right?
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Moving on sounds so easy. You’re young, you hit the town with your friends and have a good time. Unfortunately, sometimes it doesn’t get your ex out of your head, no matter how much you wish it would. Here are a few of the things I’ve learned over the years when I try to move on from my past relationships.
1. Time DOESN’T Heal All Wounds
The cliches are wrong. In theory, I understand the concept that things will hurt less and not be as big of a deal when you move on with your life. But sometimes having unresolved thoughts and feelings about an ex prevents time from doing it’s job. I’ve found it isn’t time that heals wounds, but closure. So do whatever you have to do to obtain closure for yourself. Did you have legitimate things you want to say that you never got the chance to? Of course, don’t take this as a sign to tell him all of the things you hated about him or everything he did wrong. The real closure comes from saying what’s in your heart and being honest. Having pride won’t get you anywhere and won’t help you to heal your head or your heart.
2. The Best Way To Get Over Someone Isn’t To Get Under Someone Else
Just make out with a new guy! Find a hotter guy to date. Take advantage of being “single” and being able to do whatever you want. That’s usually the advice most girlfriends give. And while the advice comes from a good place it isn’t always effective. There is no more lonely feeling then being with someone and wishing you were with someone else. If you really feel ready to get out there, do it! If not, take the opportunity to deal with your feelings instead of ignoring them and focus on yourself. Once your head is right again you will be able to meet someone new- and you will have the time to do things that are productive for your own life instead of being consumed with guys. Besides, you don’t want a guy that you will attract when you’re still mourning your old relationship. You could end up in a worse position than you were just dealing with your break up.
3. You Have To Be Ready
While you shouldn’t dwell on the past or on a relationship that clearly wasn’t working for one or both of you, if you push yourself to move on before you’ve handled your feelings it won’t do any good. Be true to yourself and know if you’re ready to move on or if you need a little more time to sort yourself out.
These are things I’ve learned from trying to move on. What have YOU learned?
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Admit it. We’ve all done the Bridget Jones fast forward through love. We meet a guy, go on a few dates, think he’s great, maybe even the one and we visualize going to the farmer’s market with him Sunday mornings and picking out bridesmaid’s dresses for our weddings. While it’s admirable that we are open to the possibility of finding our happily ever after, after we have all endured our share of heartbreak, jumping from zero to sixty is no better. We move too fast and make the classic “girl” mistakes and are left in the same place we were before we met the guy. Here are the things that I’ve learned from falling too hard too fast.
1) We Fall For The Idea Of The Person Instead Of The Actual Person
Or we fall for the idea of what our lives would be like with the person. We tend to overlook certain red flags or behaviors that we would normally be cautious of. We’ve all put up with certain things in the past that we swear we will never accept again. But when we are too consumed in the end result sometimes we don’t even notice that the same behaviors are happening right under our noses. We aren’t paying attention. There’s they saying that when a person shows you who they are, listen to them. Or pay attention. Or something. You get the point. Falling too hard too fast blinds us to the actual person and we end up in the same situation that we were in once before and end up unhappy again.
2) We Aren’t Present
When you are so focused on the future you aren’t present and noticing what is going on in the actual moment. We overanalyze every hug, every text message, and every interaction. We sometimes even think that the relationship we have with the person is actually different because we are paying attention to the one that exists in our head instead of the one that exists in reality.
3) Thinking Ahead Can Ruin The Future
If we are always looking ahead to the future we can actually change it- and not in a good way. It seems like you can progress the status of your relationship by thinking ahead but you end up jeopardizing what you have now because you are on another wavelength than your partner.
It’s easier said than done, especially when you feel like you’ve found your next boyfriend, but falling too hard too fast isn’t good for you or any potential relationship. The answer? Slow down. Relax. Whatever will be will be and if you stay present and pay attention to what’s going on you will never feel blindsided by any direction or course your relationships take. What have YOU learned by falling too hard too fast?
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Everyone say that life is about the journey, not the destination, right? Well, I think that’s a bunch of BS. Sometimes we want something specific and the constant unknown factors and ups and downs are enough to make your head spin. This is particularly true when it comes to dating. Does he like me? If he does like me, does he like me as much as I like him? I wonder if he’s seeing anyone else? Am I even ready for a relationship if he wants one. The what ifs can drive a person (and do drive me) crazy. So what do we do? We turn to our friends of course. We want every opinion under the sun to give us advice, but in actuality we just want someone to tell us what we want to hear. I’ve recently gone thru this again and I learned a few things after listening to my friends.
1. NEVER Listen To Anyone Else
Yes, completely contradictory to this entire post. But do any of your friends really know what they’re talking about? Have they had bad experiences in prior relationships that they are subconsciously projecting onto you? Are they trying to protect you by giving you the worst case scenario and discouraging you? The only two people that really know what’s going on are the two people that are dating. No matter how much you want your friends to help you overanalyze every word of his text after the next episode of Pretty Little Liars, just remember that no matter what you disclose to them, you’re the only one that knows the chemistry and vibe you feel when you’re with your date.
2. The Rules Are Bullshit
You’ve heard them all. NEVER text a guy. NEVER go out with a guy that asks you out for the same night, blah, blah blah. Here’s the thing…yes, men are the “hunters” and do need to chase women, but the world is different today. Guys are more metro and sensitive and women are usually more guarded because they’ve been with too many jerks. Think about it…if one text breaks your potential relationship off, was it really the text that broke the camel’s back? Absolutely not. If someone really likes you, none of that stuff matters. But please don’t take this as a sign to go all fatal attraction on a guy you’ve only known for two weeks.
3. Do What You Want To Do
Most relationships end. It’s sad, but the majority of all of our relationships aren’t going to be the one that works out forever. And who wants to live with the coulda, shoulda, woulda? Do or say whatever you need to to make sure that you feel good and said everything and got everything off your chest that you need to. The worst feeling is one of regret so do everything possible to prevent it.
Basically stop obsessing. You don’t need to reach out to your pals. Because even if they have the best of intentions they won’t really be able to help you out. Have YOU ever gotten good advice from your friends about relationships? Or do you prefer to work things out on your own?
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Sometimes it’s inevitable. Even when we think we only have good karma coming our way, it can happen. Pretty much anyone can screw you over; your friends, a lover; a family member, a corporation. While it’s annoying and we have to stop ourselves from screaming “why me” a la Nancy Kerrigan, sometimes it takes being screwed over to remember things about ourselves and life. While usually I prefer a cocktail and dinner before getting screwed over I would like to pass on what I recently learned when I got screwed over.
1. Sometimes Life Just Isn’t Fair
The fact that I’m not dating Chris Pine is clearly proof enough for me that life isn’t always fair. But aside from that unfortunate oversight on Mr. Pine’s part, sometimes the rest of life follows suit and we just get screwed over. First off, it happens to EVERYONE at some point. Literally…everyone. So don’t worry, at some point your arch nemesis will get their comeuppance too, even if you think that someone with hair that good will never have a bad day in their life. We can’t control our lives. But we can control how we react to things that happen in our lives. The quicker we accept that fact the quicker we will be able to move on and in some cases, gasp, forgive when someone or something screws us over. Life may not be fair, but it is beautiful if you don’t fixate on the bad and let it ruin your future.
2. It Feels Good To Stand Up For Yourself
Even when we are 100% right sometimes the odds aren’t always in our favor. We can’t catch a break all of the time even when we deserve it. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t fight for yourself. Whatever the situation, no matter what your odds are, there’s nothing that builds self-esteem like standing up for what you believe to be right. Whether you have to give someone a piece of your mind or take some sort of legal action, it’s important to know that YOU ARE WORTH IT. And no matter what wool someone is trying to pull over your eyes, you won’t stand for it. Of course there are limits, so use your judgement and remember that being malicious and vengeful isn’t the same thing as standing up for yourself. But no matter what the situation, you don’t have to be a victim.
3. You’re Smarter Than You Think
It’s easy to get down on ourselves. We are always comparing and contrasting ourselves to people we know and worse, people we don’t. We’re always counting check marks next to our name and seeing how they stack up against other people and we even envy people who have things that we don’t want, just because it seems like they have everything. I could tell you to stop, but you won’t. I’ve tried and I can’t. It’s human nature. Most of the criteria we use to evaluate ourselves are external or material objects. Someday our looks will fade, we can lose all of our money in the stock market, but the one thing that you will have whether you gain or lose five lbs is our intelligence. The brain isn’t featured in US Weekly so sometimes we forget how important it is to keep it sharp and sexy. But lets be honest, if you’re reading this you probably have a certain degree of education and street smarts. Unfortunately, most people do not. We take it for granted. But when you have to interact with people that haven’t had the opportunity to have the level of education you have or people that are just plain stupid (there I said it!), you remember how lucky you are to have your wits about you. A dumb girl can seduce your boyfriend, but in ten years she won’t be a CEO. Take comfort in the fact that you have something that can never be taken away.
Aside from these lessons, it’s also good to remember to always look for the silver lining in all situations. How will we relish the good times if we don’t recognize when sometimes things suck. What do you guys do when you get screwed over? What have you learned from your less than stellar experiences in life? What people have screwed you over most?
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There is a lot of crap that we all have to deal with on a daily basis. We are worried about money, love, work, our social lives and we can be reached 24/7 via email, text, and telephone. It can be exhausting. If you’re like me, it can be easy to fall into a slump where I feel like my life isn’t where I wanted it to be and how I can’t fathom how it can go from where it is at the moment to where I fantasize it will be one day. As easy as it is to get into these slumps, they are extremely hard to get out of. Whenever I get into one of these moods, I now make an active choice to think positively about every situation I might find myself in and what do you know, I learned some things.
1. No One’s Life Is Perfect
It’s easy to look at people we know, or even people we don’t know, and think that somehow they hit the jackpot in life. Maybe they have the body or the hair we want. How did she get such a hot boyfriend? No matter how hard I try I will just never be good at languages and she went abroad for the semester and is now fluent in Italian. NEWSFLASH: whatever you wish that you had or looked like or covet, someone else is thinking that way about you! We all have positive qualities and have things to be grateful for in our lives, no matter how minute. In fact, it’s usually the minute nuances that charm others. The next time you sit back and let those feelings of jealousy creep in, remember that you’re not alone. No one is perfect and we all look to others and think that they are a mirror for what we should have or be. But, when you look at others you’re diminishing the very things that make you unique. And remember, just because someone’s life seems perfect, that doesn’t mean that it is.
2. It Isn’t Fun To Be A Negative Nancy
When you’re in a bad mood consistently do you ever notice how the phone calls to go out on a Friday night suddenly slow down? Negativity is contagious and no one wants to be bogged down with that epidemic. We all understand that sometimes things blow, but when you’re spewing sarcasm 24/7 and can’t enjoy yourself, no one else enjoys you either. When you’re alone more often your problems seem worse too. So skip the Web MD, write down five things (ANY things no matter how small or silly) that you are grateful for and get down with your positivity. After that, get out of the house and be social! It will help you feel better and you will be able to find something about your fabulousity to pull yourself up from the boot straps. When your friends remember how fantastic you are and see that you’re not doing the Debbie Downer thing anymore your social life will be in bloom again.
3. Positivity Really Breeds Positivity
It sounds cliche but there’s a reason that this has been around forever. When you think more positively and find a way to be grateful for what you have, the rest of your life seems to magically fall into place. I’m not going to go into the Law of Attraction or vibrations, but when you’re able to be grateful and positive more amazing things will happen. Even if you have to force yourself to be positive, at some point it will become natural at some point. Fake it till you make it!
In the words of my idols and the immortal Spice Girls, all you need is positivity! Have you found that your life has improved when you started thinking about the good instead of focusing on the bad? How do you implement positivity into your life?
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Why hasn’t he called? What’s wrong with me? I thought we had fun. I love him. He’s a jerk. Dating is a bitch, right? But the only thing that’s worse than dating is NOT dating.
1. Every Date Doesn’t Have To Be With Your Potential Soulmate
Some people believe that there’s one perfect person out in the universe that we’re meant to be with. Other people think that we have multiple potential partners. Whatever you believe, just don’t believe that the only time you should date someone is when you see a long term future with them. As you’ll see below there are plenty of reasons go go out and practice dating. Besides, how will you ever find “the one” if you only date the one person that you think is right for you?
Hey, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince, right?
2. Dating Is A Sport And You Need To Use Your Skills Or You Get Rusty
Even in the off season athletes train. You don’t make it to the olympics by ice skating once a week or worse once a month. If you haven’t been on a date in a while sometimes it’s easy to forget that mentioning your ex is the kiss of death or to stay away from revealing every emotional issue that plagues you. It seems like common sense but if you haven’t dated in awhile not only are you rusty but you’re usually nervous too. Dating a lot takes the pressure off for your dates- especially the guys you really like. Who would you want to be on a date with, the guy who tells you that he punched a hole in the wall after he found out that his ex cheated on him, or the relaxed, charming guy who tells you he started his own business in college before he moved on to bigger and better things? It works both ways ladies. Stop giving the guys and the “dates” the power and get out there.
3. Yes, No, Maybe so…
You know what saying, “be careful what you wish for because you just might get it?” Well, going on lots of dates helps prevent any future regret it. We may think we want one type of guy….a guy that looks a certain way or has a specific job or enjoys a specific activity, but like everything in life, most of the time the concept doesn’t translate to reality. The more you date the more you will know exactly what you want and more importantly, exactly what you don’t want from a mate. Then it helps you realize what you are willing to live with and compromise on and what are definite deal breakers. No one wants to have a marriage that is shorter than Kim Kardashian’s was and getting to know other people helps you get to know yourself.
4. Free Food
Ok, I hate that I’m about to quote Patti Stanger aka The Millionaire Matchmaker, but bear with me. I used to hate Patti and The Rules and every person or piece of literature that advised to change physical attributes about themselves or told them to act differently to get a man. In my opinion, if you don’t like me it’s not worth it. I know that I can only keep up a charade for so long and if I had used their “advice” to snag the man he would be thrown for a loop when I did a total one-eighty. Anyway, I’ve changed my mind about Patti and she has a rule, if you will, that actually makes sense to me. “Coffee is cheap, drinks are an audition, lunch is an interview, but dinner means business- the business of romance.” If there’s a guy that’s willing to actually take you out on a dinner date, go! It shows that he is a gentleman and that he respects you enough to take you out and treat you like a lady. He’s not telling you to meet him at a bar and get you liquored up enough until you think it’s a good idea to go home with him. You aren’t obligated to kiss him or do anything else just because he buys you a meal. But I’m not that interested in him, isn’t it wrong to use him for a meal? I don’t see a future with this guy, is that leading him on? A friend of mine recently told me how important it is to practice letting a guy buy you a meal. These days us ladies can do it all- and we do! I know I get so used to taking care of everything that sometimes when I’m with a guy I take charge of every situation and forget that there’s someone there to help me. While it’s important to be self-sufficient it’s also important to allow someone in instead of shutting them out and taking everything on yourself. Having a guy take you out reminds you that it’s OK to have feminine energy. Especially when there’s masculine energy present. And at the very least, it will save you a trip to Whole Foods.
All of this being said do your homework and Google the shit out of all of your potential dates that you or a friend don’t know very well. And if you see something questionable listen to your gut. Just don’t be closed off or predict that there’s no future when you barely know the guy. You’ll only find love when your heart is open. Happy Dating!
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On the days leading up to December 31st every year we all have the best intentions to have a fresh start the following year. We resolve to be healthy and take care of our bodies, make more time for the people that matter to us, focus on that career boost we’ve been wanting, be less judgmental (maybe that’s just me), and have more patience, among a slew of other popular resolutions. But did you know that January 10th of each year is the day that most people give up on all of the resolutions they made before the midnight champagne toast? Ten days?? Really? I can’t say that in the past I’ve been much better…I mean pizza is sometimes just worth all of the calories. But, when I heard this statistic I decided I was going to try to surpass the average this year and here’s what I’ve learned by sticking to my New Year’s resolutions.
1. No Matter How Old You Are, You Can Still Surprise Yourself
I’m in my late 20′s- don’t ask me exactly how old, that’s rude. But, in 2011 I found myself saying things like, “this is who I am, I won’t be changing at this age.” Or, “I know myself, I know what I like and what I don’t like.” I even said to someone, “My personality isn’t going to change so people can take it or leave it.” Well, turns out like in many situations, I had no idea what I was talking about. No matter how old we are, we aren’t cemented in our ways. Nothing is certain in life besides death and taxes, right? This is one instance that I’m delighted to admit that I was wrong. Sometimes we think that when we hit a certain age we stop growing and changing, but that’s not true. When I allowed myself to be open to new things and ideas instead of immediately shutting them down based on only of the fraction of the details that I knew. Sometimes when we allow ourselves to be open we can be surprised at the things that we like that we never thought we would find ourselves enjoying. It’s nice to know that even being on the cusp of 30 things can still be interesting.
2. There Are No Magic Answers
Who doesn’t love a quick fix? I’d rather pop a diet pill then spend hours in yoga and on the elliptical. But when you’re trying to make changes in your life there’s nothing to expedite the process- it takes good ole fashion hard work and determination. It’s natural to relapse and whisper to your friend about a girl at the mall who clearly took her fashion cues from Snooki, but when you slip up you just have to recognize it and move on and try to catch yourself before the slip next time. No one is perfect, even my idol Gwyneth Paltrow, so we have to forgives ourselves when we fall back into old habits which we have probably had for a long time and congratulate ourselves for even attempting to change for the better. Don’t get frustrated if you hook up with the ex that you swore off or ate that Oreo you promised you’d give up in 2012, just hit the gym extra hard in the morning.
3. Regardless Of The Outcome, Positivity Is Always The Better Choice
How many times have you read The Secret? How many times have you read The Power? For those of you that have been living under a rock and never caught The Oprah Winfrey Show, the basis of these books is all about The Law Of Attraction. As I’ve been reading more spiritual and inspirational literature, I’ve realized that it has concepts that have been discussed for much longer than it has been a pop culture phenomenon. Ok, here it is, it’s really simple: Like attracts like, and negativity attracts negativity. Think that’s a little too hippy/I’m going to Burning Man this year? Even if you don’t believe that you can actually manifest things by having positive thoughts and feelings about them, isn’t it a much better decision to walk around feeling happier and more positive instead of always feeling like a victim of the world? While thinking about how much you want a new Beemer, Benz, or Bentley probably won’t bring you the car, it will help you focus on the things that you want out of life and if you want a luxury vehicle, you’ve gotta work for it. It isn’t all about material things either. If you’ve been wanting that new boyfriend that’s sexy and loyal, you need to think about him and visualize him instead of thinking that all men are scum and you will be alone forever. No one wants to be friends with or be in a relationship with someone who’s always feeling like they got the short end of the stick. And by now we all know that there’s a silver lining and that things happen for a reason. So as the Spice Girls said, “All you need is positivity.” At the very least, what’s the harm in walking around with a smile on your face? You might just meet the love of your life while you’re flashing your pearly whites.
January is coming to a close but if you abandoned your 2012 resolutions, it doesn’t mean that they are dead and gone. You can start them again in February and still have eleven months of better living ahead. 2012 can be whatever you make it, so choose wisely and remember that you’re only human….and that one bowl of ice cream every once and awhile never killed anyone. Have you been sticking to YOUR resolutions? What were they? Which are easy and which are hard to stick to?
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How often do you think about sex? Be honest. How many times a day do you wish you were having sex? I’d like to say that there’s probably no other activity on the planet that I’d rather engage in. But lets face it, we are all oversexed. We’re bombarded with images of Ryan Reynolds and Chris Pine and we aren’t thinking about the charming personality or what they think of credit default swaps. I know it’s hard to believe, but sometimes it’s best to just say no. As much fun as having sex is, there’s insight that can be gained from not having casual sex with the hottie we meet at the bar that reminds us of our ex that we want to hate bang. So here’s what I’ve learned from not having casual sex.
1. Sex Confuses Everything
Everything is exponentially more complicated in 2012 than it was just a few years ago, and that especially goes for relationships. Did he reply to my Facebook message? Should I text him? He tweeted he was going out tonight but he didn’t call, wtf? In the current world where too much is sometimes just that, too much, it’s hard to truly asses our feelings. Throw sex into the mix and forget it. If it’s good, you’ll think you’ve found your soul mate, and if it’s not so great you’ll be ready to say buh-bye faster than Kim K. Sex releases certain synapses in the brain- don’t ask me which ones I’m not a doctor, I don’t have a clue. But to sum it up, it mindfucks your emotions. It can masquerade true feelings or can make you think you’re dunzo with your beau even if you aren’t. So save the sex, because things are complicated enough.
2. When You Refrain, The Indulgence Is Better
You know when you’re on a diet and you finally get a cheat day? How good do carbs and chocolate taste? But when you’re popping m&m’s like they’re klonopin they don’t even taste good anymore. Well, same goes for sex. Because obviously, what two things in life are more alike than chocolate and sex? I’m not saying you should go thru a dry spell. But don’t sleep with someone just for the sake of sleeping with someone. It will make sex routine and dare I say it, boring. If you’re waiting to eat the Godiva instead of annihilating every Snickers bar that comes across your path it will be much, much sweeter. Remember, good things come to those who wait.
3. It’s Hard To Be Free If You’re Uncomfortable
You want sex. You NEED sex. So you decide to pick a guy up at the bar this weekend and get freaky. Here’s the problem…are we ever comfortable during sex even with someone we care about and that we know cares about us? Sure, there’s a level of comfort there and for certain acts which I won’t mention here there must be a very high level of comfortability. No matter how sexy his eyes are, the one thing a girl can’t fake is comfort. So you may be getting your rocks off but it’s not necessarily the sex you really wanted because you probably won’t ask for it. And do you know of anything worse than unfulfilling sex? Get down with your inner boho self either by yourself or with someone you trust. It may be less frequent but it will get your chakra going!
While getting busy is always fun, next time take a second to think before you get down and dirty to figure out what you really want.
Photo found on http://www.bellethemagazine.com/2011/06/i-heart-this-engagement-session-ideas.html