I am not expecting text messages as inspired as Charles Dickens novels, but I do have certain textpectations–some of them greater than others. By the time those Thursday text messages float into your inbox – “you around this weekend” and you respond with something like “I am sir.” And hear those three little words: let’s meet up - you (and they) know its on…
Or is it?
Much to my chagrin these premeditated meet ups often turn into more of a cat and mouse game of texting that turns a night out with pals into a one of two distractions
1) Trying to lure your love interest to the bar you are at with your friends…”hey guys, how long we going to be here?”
2) Debating whether you should troll out of your comfort zone to locations uncharted since your freshman year.
A little while back, I was out with a group of friends and after a series of witty and flirtatious ping-pong texts with a romanTECH interest–who I swear has the opposite summer schedule as me–sent me his sans humor, bottom line at approximately 12:40: “really wanna c u. come here.”
Me, flattered by his bold choice ditched my crowd to meet the potential boo. When I got there however, potential boo he was not. Instead he was hypnotized by some pay-per-view fight and gave me a hey along with a high five. No joke: I almost blacked out. Believe me, I wasn’t expecting rose petals a la Coming to America, but a drink on his tab and glad to see you would have gotten him farther then he probably realized. Feeling weird, I did the natural thing, grabbed myself a drink, slugged it and said my good-byes. He, acting unaffected by my “ciao for now,” quickly shot me a series of text messsages ranging in degrees of desperation from “why did you leave” to “where are you” to the simply stated “?”
Maybe it was harsh, but I was let down by the built-up meet-up and even more deflated by the fact that his actions and texts were sending different messages. In some ways I remain traditional in my thinking: actions speak louder than words (even when they are typed).
The end of a date generally presents three options:
1. Play by the rules and pony up for a cab back to your apartment or dorm.
2. Spend the night at your date’s place because the thought of public transportation after 2:00 a.m. is about as welcoming as your 9:00 a.m. art history lecture. Let them know you are only staying because “you cannot make it home” and therefore will only permit a limited amount of shenanigans.
3. Go for it and rationalize your decision by saying it’s not a one night stand if they paid for your drinks all night.
One Thursday night after a fun night out with the guy I was seeing, I hopped a cab from the Fat Black Pussy Cat in Manhattan to my old Hoboken address outside the city. Within about 10 minutes of the ride I heard the da-ding of my text which elicited a Pavlovian-like stomach flip. I opened my phone expecting a sweet message of the “had fun, get home safe” variety. You’ll understand my surprise when I saw,
“F that, she went back to Hoboken. Be home soon.”
If it is possible, I felt flattered, objectified and entertained all at the same time. I texted back, ”clearly that message was about me but not meant for me! HA! Think you meant your roommate?”
He responded, “whoops, I’m really sorry about that. Let’s hang this weekend.”
Interestingly, I did not hold his techno-pas against him. He turned what could have been a deal-breaker into one of the more honest conversations I had ever experienced via text. I thought that if in one night I could realize that a guy liked me enough to be disappointed that I left and still man enough to ask me out after he clearly made an ass out of himself, maybe I should have stayed with him that night after all.
Then again if I did, I would have never realized he really liked me (yes, I recognize the irony there)! So my advice to daters: A slip of the thumb can be as daunting as a slip of the tongue. Let it go, that is, unless the text includes your roommate’s name.
Image found on http://weheartit.com/entry/79872980
Have you noticed lately that the term “seeing someone” is going out of style? I have. I feel like when I ask friends about budding relationships” So are you seeing each other?” The word “seeing” feels like an anachronism. My own answer when the script is flipped on me is “uh….what do you mean by seeing?” My friend Z used a good term recently when I asked her if she was dating a guy she met in “the Broken” aka Hoboken. She said “well, we’re talking.” Code for trading flirtatious emails and texts for up to a week in the pursuit of eventually meeting up to “see” if there are enough sparks to warrant an upgrade to unlimited texts for the month. Then realizing there are and trading texts/emails for another two weeks until you decide to meet again.
Lately I’ve been spending more and more time on Twitter. In fact I’m kind of in love with it. The conversations just seem more crisp, timely, interesting and hilarious than on any other social networking site. Plus, with an almost 200% increase in the volume of tweets in the past year, clearly I am not the only one falling for the site. I would also argue that any place attracting that much action must be doing something right, and it got me thinking that maybe we could all attract some more attention if we applied some of Twitter’s golden rules to our dating lives. So here they are — the top 6 things we could learn from twitter to gain some offline “followers” and love. What do you think?
1. Stop Talking About Yourself: Have you ever been on a date where the person won’t stop talking about their Hamptons share, their fantasy football league and how EPIC their last road trip was? Yeah well that would never happen on Twitter. Talking about yourself all the time gets you unfollowed as fast as tweeting IN CAPS LOCK.
2. Be Funny: Humor rules on Twitter and “pick up lines” that mention how sexy you look go straight into your spam file. If only the real world was that simple.
3. Build Relationships: Twitter teaches us an important lesson when it comes to relationships — they should be built before you want something from someone. Wouldn’t it be great if potential suitors looked to really build a relationship with you before they decide to text you at 2:00 AM and ask if you’re wearing a black bra?
4. Recognize Looks Aren’t Everything: Twitter is probably the least superficial of all social networking sites. Unlike Facebook, MySpace and Instagram your profile pic is tiny in comparison to your personality, point of view and taste.
5. Get to the point: We’ve all endured weeks of texting and emailing with potential love interests when we are forced to ask the question “why are you asking me what I’m eating for lunch but won’t ask if you can take me to dinner?” By nature, Twitter’s word limit makes people say what’s on their mind. (Hint Twitter boys: asking a girl out is a great use of DMing). Afterall, how can you put your foot in your mouth in 140 characters?
6. Show the love: On twitter there is no questioning if someone likes you or not. If they do, you’ll know about it because you’ll get @replys, retweets and #FollowFridays showing affection. Wouldn’t it be great if you knew where you stood every Friday with potential love interests?
Photo found on http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150212479604560&set=a.418541089559.189868.747679559&type=1&theater
In the spirit of the season our inboxes are often hit with holiday messages from ex highschool BFs and GFs looking to meet up in our hometown bars and old “friends” reaching out to see if we have New Year’s plans. But are these “e”-unions sincere or the result of long and windy breaks that leave ex boos with time on their hands to plot a last minute New Year’s ball drop?
Inspired by an ongoing rant from one of my girlfriends and some recent news coverage I’ve seen on the notion of “social media addiction,” I decided to write a post on how to know if the person you are dating is more obsessed with social media than spending time with you.
1. When they ask “what’s your number?” they’re referring to your Klout score not how many people you’ve slept with.
2. They want you to meet their Brooklyn friends first as part of their “influencer strategy.”
3. Their last three relationships ended on twitter.
4. They roll their eyes because you didn’t participate in Cheer Up Keanu day last June.
5. They’re too busy to call you during SXSW, yet not too busy to check in to different places every 11 minutes.
6. The abbreviation “SoMe” takes on a whole new meaning.
What can you add????
Sure, group text messages can be efficient to make plans and send out funny pictures of yourself drunk eating pizza on the way home from the bar, but the growing trend of using group text messaging in the dating process is giving the function a bad wrap, and rightly so.
Here’s what happens: Said single sends vague text to multiple people they are dating. Examples include: “what are you up to?” “plans later?” or “meet up tonight?” How do I know about this? Because I have been on the unknowing receiving end and responded with a reasonable answer to their begging question and then wound up never hearing back from them that evening. They must have been drinking and just forgot to text me back, right? Wrong. I was kind of stood up.
During Friday night drinks, I saw how this haphazard text-style can really yield results. My friend pulled out her phone, “let’s see what the Scotts are doing.”
“Are those your family friends in town?” I asked.
“No,” she laughed. “‘Study abroad Scott’ and ‘Gym Scott.’”
By the time we got our check, she had locations for both including cross streets (without using Foursquare). She responded back to both of them “Gr8 will prob see u later,” even though I knew she wouldn’t. Her rationale: one was across town and the other responded back so quickly she thought he sounded desperate.
When it comes to group texts, the receiving (or not receiving) end can certainly be frustrating but there is no way to avoid it.
You can however diagnose if you are getting one, and that is half the battle! Here are signs that you are likely a victim:
1. The text comes in during the trolling hour, after 1:00 am.
2. The text is generic in nature with know clear directive or plan. If the person really wanted to see you they might tell you where they are and invite you to join them. If they are texting multiple people this would be a disaster .
3. You message back and don’t get a response for more than 20-30 minutes. This means they are texting with someone else. In which case you need to read the following post.
Nothing good ever comes of voicemail. I am convinced of it. I have gotten in trouble with multiple dates, friends and family members for not listening to or leaving messages. I figure if something is important, the person will text me (I recognize this can sound backwards to some people). But for those of you who are still prone to recording unrehearsed airtime to someone’s phone, I leave you with this EPIC Drunk Dial from a girl who thought she was leaving a message for a guy she met earlier that night. She wound up with the wrong number and left this voicemail for a random guy who shared it with the internet.
Hey random guy — thank you!
Warning: She sounds like she may be speaking pig Latin and uses the term “connection” more times than Season 3 of The Bachelor.
But displaying your affection for someone digitally can also go horribly wrong. Recently a girlfriend of mine had a serious wake-up call: after being involved in a 5 month relationship she woke up at 6:00 a.m. to a series of very public messages from her ex. That’s right, instead of being in her inbox they were displayed across her Facebook wall. The first booze induced message was a simple “hey sexy” but the next few evolved into messages like “where are you” and of course the most dramaTECH of all, “come back to me.” She quickly deleted the posts and prayed to the Facebook for Blackberry gods for getting her these messages before her boyfriend had a chance to see them and jump to ill conclusions.
Whew, right? Well let these public displays of affection be a warning to all of us: Nothing good happens (on Facebook) after 2am and even if you do want to write something completely off the wall to a romanTECH interest lets at least keep it off-their-wall.
Deleting numbers from my cell phone has always been one of my favorite dating tacTECHS. Maybe it is the superficial closure of clicking “yes” when the screen on my blackberry asks “Are you sure you want to delete eXeXeX from you phone?” or the fast-forward fantasy to the moment when said romanTECH interest eventually texts again and I can respond with – “Hey, who is this?” Ahhh! Sweet revenge!
But a few months ago I deleted a pretty significant romanTECH interest from my phone and the scenario has unfolded in a way that is making me question my strategy. Recently, a mild vibe has emerged again between me and this dude and after an unplanned “encounter” at a bar in my hood I knew I would want to see him later in the night, but was obviously too proud to ask for his digits again. After getting home and hitting romanTECH rock bottom, aka trolling for his # on my Tmobile bill, I resorted to the tackiest of choices: Facebook for blackberry, sending him a simple “?” at about 2:30 a.m. That Monday, I called out my own randomosity, letting him know that I had no other choice after deleting his number from my phone. To which he coyly confessed, “I wanted to text you, but I deleted yours too.”
So this brings us to the text-istential quesion: To Delete or Not Delete? One of my guy friend’s pointed out that he deletes when he doe snot want to be reminded of his old girlfriend every time he scrolls thru his phone – after all the way Dana hovers over his brother Dave on his phone list is almost as annoying as the way she would hover over his friends during college football. Another friend pointed out that deleting never works because he always winds up memorizing the really significant numbers.
So even though we haven’t completely answered the question, there is something we can learn: deleting people out of our phones is the easy part.
What do you think?