Being Selfish Can Be Good For Your Relationship

I’m going to go ahead and assume that you are familiar with Jim and Pam from The Office. But, just in case you’re not here’s the SparksNotes edition: Jim and Pam met and fell in love while they both had pretty lame and unfulfilling careers. They got married, had a few kids, pulled pranks on coworkers(cue group AW) .

Then, Jim decided to reach for the stars and start his own company in a city a few hours away. Ruh-roh.

But, in recent episodes, J & P’s relationship hasn’t been all pranks and cute, witty jokes. They have been arguing over very real issues; situations anyone can relate to.

Let me break it down. Jim thinks he’s making a sacrifice by commuting to work and Pam thinks she’s making a sacrifice by taking on the brunt of the child rearing,while rarely seeing her husband. Jim’s trying to make a new life, while Pam was content with how things were before. They’re on different pages.

Having individual wants doesn’t have to be a problem in a relationship, but it can easily becomes one when one person is doing something meaningful and fulfilling, while the other person is just hanging out and being a cheerleader when in reality they want to be doing something amazing too.

So what is my advice for a situation like this? Don’t be afraid to be selfish.

Relationships are all about give-and-take, but if you’re doing all of the giving and none of the taking, it might be time for a little reflection. Don’t continue giving and letting resentment build until your explosion takes everyone down. Talk to your significant other, make your feelings heard, and discuss the options.

Think of the little things you can do to even out the relationship. To some it might mean spending less time watching Breaking Bad together so you have more time to devote to writing, training for a race or doing whatever you need to do to feel happy and whole. To others it might mean moving to a different city for a dream job and trying out a long distance relationship.

Being selfish in a relationship every now and then, especially at this time in our lives, isn’t a bad thing. It’s actually really healthy. After all, if you’re unhappy, you’re just going to wind up dragging everyone around you into a pit of doom and despair. And that can’t be good for anyone.

Do you ever feel unbalanced in your relationship? What helps you even out?

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About the Author,

I'm a Wisconsin girl who is currently testing the waters of adulthood in Colorado with my boyfriend of four years. Most of my real world experience was spent jobless, but now that I'm employed I can finally focus on other adult things, such as making friends and doing taxes. You can check out my blog, Life on a Branch (, for thoughts and advice on navigating through your 20s. Thanks for reading; I hope to see you there!