I was disturbed recently by an episode I caught on the Soap Channel: an old re-run of Beverly Hills 90210 (the original series- not today’s anorexic version aired on CW) about the love triangle amongst Brenda, Kelly, and Dylan. If you don’t know the story, Brenda and Dylan were lovers and Brenda and Kelly were best friends, but then when Brenda and Dylan broke up, Dylan and Kelly hooked up. Kelly clearly failed to abide by the woman’s code “chicks before dicks” (similar to the male’s version of “bros before hos”). Kelly and Dylan’s relationship understandably caused awkwardness and friction between Kelly and Brenda, and even though they somehow remained friends in the end, their friendship never recovered completely.
After many dating mishaps, I have seen guys come and go, but my friends were always there to pick me back up. They lent me their shoulders to cry on and gave me words of encouragement when all I wanted to do was hide from the cruel world of dating. I would never do anything purposely to hurt them and I certainly would never allow a guy to come between us; although, it did come close…once.
I was twenty-one and having the time of my life: reborn as a newly single. All I wanted to do was hang out with my girlfriends and dance every night away. One night my friend and I met a handsome gentleman at a club. Because I was in no mood to mingle with the male species, I kept my distance, but my friend was a little smitten with him. So as any good friend would do, I played the dutiful wing woman and somehow ended up capturing his attention. A few run-ins later, he asked me out on a date. I immediately had a discussion with my friend to see if she was uncomfortable with it. If she was, I would completely respect her feelings and wishes and kindly decline the invitation. However, she said it was fine and so I did. A few dates later, she was upset with me for going out with him.
“I didn’t think you were really going to go through with it.”
“I am not a mind reader; you should have just told me the truth…I really like him, but I will stop seeing him if you want me to.”
Because she was also a good friend to me, she gave me her blessing and our friendship still remains intact today.
I sometimes ponder what if I would not have been able to give up the guy if she wanted me to? I would be torn because it would have been hard to give him up and not resent her for making me do so at the same time. As a good friend and person, she knew this as well. She wouldn’t want to be the one responsible for my unhappiness.
Well, fast forward many years later, he is no longer in my life, but my friend still is. We had our ups and downs, but we always pull through – that’s the thing with friendships, they are built to last forever. So unless I know a guy is going to be my future husband and the love of my life, I am not going to let him get between me and a friend. It’s “chicks before dicks,” my friend.