As a dating coach, I cannot believe how many ladies come to me wanting a happy and fulfilling relationship but aren’t actually happy with themselves. WHAT? How much sense does that make? Or is that poor, unknowing, already set up to fail guy supposed to “complete you?” Lucky them. That makes about as much sense as not having oil or gas in your car and thinking it will run. I have done that. It does not work no matter how much I click my heels and wish it would.

Too many times I see people daydreaming and waiting for that “someday your prince will come” day. Well, I got something better. What if I told you that you have a power in yourself bigger than any royalty and the ability to change your life starting today! True story.

I like to think I am a Miss. Smarty Pants, being a dating coach is not rocket science. The overall concept is very simple. The happier and more complete you are as a person, the less you are searching for someone to fill in all the gaps. You will not need your guy to be your best friend, a great listener, your rock and support system, the breadwinner, sensitive to your different moods, your shopping partner, your handyman, your top chef, your super model to make you look good and your hero who tells you how good looking you are everyday through well written love notes. I am exhausted just thinking about what this poor guy is expected to be. Can anybody really live up to that? You can truly search for a partner on this crazy journey we call life instead of needing someone to fix your crap.

What happens when we find someone with real potential? Many times we mold ourselves into the person we think that they want us to be. We make small (sometimes not so small) changes to make sure that they stay. Realizing somewhere down the road that we are unhappy and start to go back to being ourselves leaving them scratching their heads saying “WTF?” Instead we need to learn to love our real, authentic, imperfect selves creating healthy boundaries in the beginning of the relationship. Trying new things, always working to being better, but always yourself. Everyone else is already taken.

Feel like you are attracting the same jerks over and over again? Start by taking a look at what you are putting out there. Usually what is going on around you is a reflection of what is going on inside you. There are times in my life where I looked around and felt most people in my life were negative and unhappy, until I looked around and realized that I was in a place where I was feeling pretty negative and unhappy. Hmm…coincidence? Nope.

Let’s instead take a look at you. Are you the person you want to date? If you met you would you be excited? Delighted? Are you over your job? Unhappy with your weight? Think your friends might be holding you back? Figure it out, pick a goal and start working on you. What small step can you do today? Feeling shy? Take an improv class. Want to be more interesting? Go on a trip. Want to get healthier? Hire a trainer or a nutritionist. There are a plethora of coaches and consultants out there just to help you. Even if you can’t afford them one on one, may have classes and workshops to keep it affordable. Why not get a whole team on your side. You don’t have to do anything alone.

My friend and fellow life coach Rob Mack says it best, “if you do not have anything nice to say about somebody, do not say it at all. Now make sure that includes yourself.” We cannot be happy unless we have happy emotions with a happy story. You know your story. The one of how you got to where you are. When you tell yours is it fun, adventurous and full of life lessons? Or is it have lots of upset, drama and bad circumstances? People are not born with the “glass half full” mentality, they have to work at it.

When you are meeting new people or out on a first date, reach for your positive thoughts first. Instead of looking for how they don’t fit your perfect match list, go in with a child like curiosity to find out what makes them unique. Focus on the exciting possibility of meeting a new person and that they are devoting an entire evening to get to know you. How can you retell your story?

By adding these three simple ways to get happy into your life, you will be amazed who starts showing up.