This is just beyond annoying.
I remember back to my college and even high school days, whenever one of my close friends started dating a guy I would get that sinking feeling. You know? Heeeeere we go – I’m about to get ignored. Time to find new friends!
The sad part is that we all want our friends to be happy, right? But why does that mean they have to forget about everyone else in the process? What’s even worse is when you just happen to be the ONLY one who isn’t dating at the moment. It can be very frustrating and often leave you feeling isolated. My first instinct was always to withdraw from the relationship and hold a silent grudge. Then when she eventually came back crying on my shoulder, I would explode with pent up anger. “Ohhhh…. now you want to hang out because your relationship is over. How daaaaare you! Who do you think you are?”
Um. I’m not exactly going to condone that method of dealing. It is definitely not the way to go. So hopefully, you will use the following plan when you find yourself being dissed and dismissed:
1. Cut her a little slack. But just a little. There is no denying that the beginning stages of a relationship are goose-bumpy and full of blissful moments that leave you daydreaming at inopportune times. This is true no matter who you are, and you wouldn’t want to rain on that parade of butterflies by yelling at her. So, although it is very, very annoying to briefly lose your friend, just know that it will hopefully be temporary. As soon as she settles in, she will miss her friends and things will return to normal. And someday, you will find yourself in the same boat and you’ll most likely forget about the rest of the world too.
But, if this goes on for months at a time and your friendship starts to dissipate…. then you need to move on to step #2.
2. Admit how you are feeling -EEK! There is this thing with women where we don’t want to admit that we’ve been hurt. We almost expect people to know how we are feeling. We like to internalize our feelings until there are so many built up in there that we explode and turn into a crazy person. Then there’s a huge knockout fight and friendships end. Perhaps it’s pride. Maybe we just don’t like confrontation. Who knows, but we do it.
Here’s the thing though. If you keep all of your feelings to yourself, then nothing will change. However, if you do get up the courage to talk to your friend, then perhaps something will change. But, what is equally as important as talking to her is how you talk to her. And exploding is not the answer, ladies.
3. Choose your words wisely. Women tend to be defensive creatures (no, really?) – especially when a friend comes to tell them that they are treating them wrong. So, if you don’t want to start a fight then you must be careful with your approach. You need to keep the focus on you and your feelings – not her behavior. If you tell her that you are sad because you miss her and the time you used to spend together she will definitely not be defensive. And if she cares about you at all she will feel sorry for acting that way and will want to repair the problem. She misses you too!
Like I said, the ditching will most likely be a short phase in the beginning of the relationship and then it will get better. Or, they will break up and she’ll come crawling back to you, which I know can be frustrating. In that moment you need to be there for her while still being honest about how she made you feel – then hopefully it won’t happen the next time.
But, if she continues to ditch you for awhile, then you need to take some action.
Here’s to being ditched more times than I can count,
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