So he cheated.
Okay, now what?
Well, we already covered the reasons as to why he might have cheated. Now I’m not going to tell you to look on the bright side and think of all you’ve got to be grateful for because dude, THIS SUCKS. And obviously, you’re going to need sufficient time to process the situation, freak out, eat some double stuffed Oreos and yell a lot. I suggest doing all of these things while you’re not in his presence. But by all means, don’t let me tell you what to do during this fragile time.
After having both gone through this and been the crying shoulder for many friends, I have learned a few lessons in regards to what you should do next.
1. Don’t be psycho. Do not act RASH. Don’t slash his tires. Don’t bust into his work and make a scene. Trust me, I know that it’s going to take every bit of decency inside of you and hopefully some good friends who will talk you down from the ledge. But also trust me when I say that when girls react like that it only makes every guy within a 20 mile radius run for the hills. And also trust me when I say that it will only make the other people (mainly guys) in your life respect you more when they see you handling a tough situation with some dignity and grace.
2. Take space. For the love of fidelity, please do NOT decide immediately whether you will take him back or not. First of all, you’re not thinking clearly; and if he loves you at all he is going to say everything under the galaxy to get you to take him back. This is not a time for negotiation. If I could shake you right now, I would. I know it feels all nice to hear him say that he never even liked that other girl and he will never in a million years hurt you again. UGH. Doesn’t matter. Please realize that nothing he says will make the situation less of a betrayal so there’s no point in listening to it. You need time for yourself.
3. Don’t get paranoid. I know the reason you don’t want to take space is because now you want to hang on to him tighter than ever. You think that if you back off it will only push him into the arms of that other skank. Well, well, let me tell you a secret: it’s only going to give you the upper hand and make him want you even more. What message does it send to a guy when he cheats and the girl takes him back right away without even taking a moment to consider if she can trust him again? Don’t be that girl -the needy one. Nope.
4. Get to the bottom of it. As previously stated, when you first confront him you’re going to get a lot of “I was just being stupid” or “I was drunk” or “It didn’t mean anything.” Okay, well this is B.S. and also won’t help you one bit. So if you followed the previous three steps, like a good little girl, then you will be ready for a rational conversation. And if you are able to talk without crying, yelling or putting him on the defensive, then there is a high chance that you might get the truth out of him. And if you think that’s impossible, think again, because I did have a guy admit to me that he just liked the thrill of what he can’t have. Not what I wanted to hear, but it helped me immensely in making my next move, which was to dis him faster than he could say “WHA?”
So can you ever trust a cheater?
You might be surprised to hear me say “yes.” My nature automatically defaults to distrust, however, I have close friends who honestly made a one-time mistake and have never done it again. I will tell you that I believe this is the exception, but its possible.
Relationships have everything to do with timing. Most people cheat when they have over-committed themselves to something they weren’t ready for. This happens a lot in the college years, which is why I’m a firm believer that you shouldn’t get your hopes too high and just focus on having fun. There will never be another time in your life when you have as few responsibilities / stresses as during college. It would be a tragedy to look back on that and know that you spent most of those years crying over a stupid guy.
Love ya homeslices,