I went on a few dates with this guy. He was really nice, but I just didn’t feel a love connection, so I haven’t returned his calls. I thought he’d get the hint, but he just called me again! I am the kind of person who would rather just continue someone so I don’t have to hurt their feelings. I don’t want to keep ignoring him because I think that’s mean and immature, but I don’t know how to say, “I think we’d be better off as friends” without being cliché!
How do I reject a guy I’ve only been on a few dates with?
You don’t. You just don’t hand him a rose and then escort him to his limo. A duh.If only life was like a reality show.
But it’s not.
You’re going to have to tell him the truth. I know. Don’t you hate when avoiding someone doesn’t work? What a ripoff, right? You were hoping we’d give you some shortcut, or a link to cute camo dresses, but we don’t have either.
The situation is especially awkward because you barely know the guy. It’s not like you were halfway down the aisle, which on second thought, would be more awkward.
Anyway, you may think telling him the truth is mean, but it’s not. You don’t have to take a Simon Cowell approach. Though that would be the funnier option.
“Jon, I don’t want to date you. Being on a date with you is like watching a talent show at Walmart. It’s excruciating, but at least there are Kit-Kats. ”Just be honest and straightforward. Whenever someone asks me for writing advice, I always ask,
“ Well, what are you trying to say? ”
Then they respond.
And I say,“ Great! Say that.”
And they say “ REALLY????? ”
And I say ” YEAH. I’m hungry! Can we go now?? ”
Many people are so concerned with saying things in a flowery or creative manner that they forget to be truthful and get their point across. Start with the truth. Being cliché is a legitimate concern if you are writing a romantic comedy, or giving a graduation speech, but I don’t know anyone who worries about making their dating rejections creative and entertaining.
(But if you do, let me know because that is funny and I might want to date them.)I mean, you could take the creative lying approach and say something like,
“It’s just not a great time for me. I’m really focused on my career right now and Real Housewife reruns. And the last time you called I was on the phone with my Godmother and she has Boost Mobile, so I didn’t want to waste her prepaid minutes. And oh my gosh, I’m getting terrible reception! What? What?! You’re cutting out! Call me later!”
But that’s not getting your point across.So what do you say exactly? Courtship Consultant (and man), Brandon Aki says, “Every moment you spend with the wrong guy is time spent away from finding the right one. With that being said, here are 7 words that will help any man understand this concept; “I don’t feel a connection with you.” It’s mature, honest, classy and straight to the point– all attributes that men admire and respect in a woman.” http://brandonaki.com
See, it’s the same thing you said before! Obviously you can tailor the statement to your needs and personality, but how can a guy argue with that?
“Oh really, DIANE? You don’t feel a connection with me? Hmm, well I’d like to see an X- ray proving I don’t give you butterflies. Until then, looks like we’ll have to continue dating, Sweetie.”
Ew what?! No. No sane person is ever going to argue with that statement.
Or you can go with the “friends” approach, which is also what you said originally. But if he looks confused, make sure you clarify.
” Jon, I just want to be friends. Without benefits.”
Remember, you aren’t doing anyone any favors by dating them when you don’t want to. By trying to be nice, you’re actually being mean. Wouldn’t you be mad if someone was dating you because he didn’t want to hurt your feelings if he didn’tdate you?
You would be irate! Not only did he lie to you and pretend to like you, he also wasted your time. That jerk. (Disgusted head shake)
In conclusion, nobody wants a pity yes. Well some do, but they are psychos that belong in Lifetime movies. Relatively sane people want to know sooner rather than later if you’re not feeling it.
So be straightforward. A pity yes is a no NO!
Photo found on http://doyoudance.tumblr.com/post/9681595921