How Do You Know When a Guy is Hitting On You?

You know when you’re in a crowd and someone is waving in your direction and you can’t tell if they’re waving at you? And you don’t want to wave back (for fear of looking like a loser if they aren’t waving at you), but you don’t want to not wave back (for fear of looking like a loser if they are waving at you)? So you do the frantic back and forth, trying to assess the situation. And then you give them a creepy half smile because you STILL can’t tell?

My point is, like an uncertain wave, it’s hard to tell when a boy is hitting on you.  We all have friends that are The Girl Who Cried Hit On Me. You know, the girl that is always throwing around the phrase, Ugh and he was totally hitting on me! And you think to yourself what does that mean? Did he ask you out? Tell you you looked pretty? Offer you a lint roller?

Then you find out it was Johnny. Really? I mean I caught that guy winking at a wall the other day. But okay, whatever you say.

 

So you think to yourself, I don’t want to be that girl. And then you are Overcautious Odette.

The problem is, people use the term differently. Some girls use the term loosely, and will say a guy was hitting on her when he flirted with her, stared at her boobs, or just asked to copy her homework. That’s fine. To each her own. I mean,  I wouldn’t go running through the streets like Paul Revere saying that person hit on me.

But that’s just me.

I think it’s  best to use the term cautiously.  As in, someone is hitting on someone when they ask them out or showed interest in asking them out.  If it’s too fuzzy than you can file it under, Maybe he’s hitting on meMaybe he’s just a flirty person, or Maybe he’s just European category.

 

I’ve had guys I thought were maybe hitting on me, only to find out they are totally in love with their girlfriend. Or boyfriend!

I wish there was a Judge Judy for all things dating related. And she could rule whether the defendant was hitting on the plaintiff or just really needed a cup of sugar.

Yes we’ve all had to ponder what a guy really thinks about us. Sometimes what’s crystal clear to the guy is ambiguous to us girls. In our defense, every guy has a different approach. There are the passive, timid guys who are shy and subtle in their approach and then there are the obnoxious, offensive guys who try to shout a holler on the street.  And, ps what do guys think they’re going to get out of a sleazy cat call?

He had me at, Heeeyy girrl. Then he whistled. We’ve been together ever since!

I think not.

So how can you tell?

Well, I think it’s pretty safe to say the obnoxious guy who cat calls you off the street is probably not really as into you as he is into acting like a fool. If a guy is really interested, he’ll make it known. He’ll ask you to hang out one on one, or make an effort to find out more about you and what your interests are; if you’re Team Edward or Team Jacob, or if you prefer CSI Las Vegas or CSI Miami.

But if you are an analytical, and not arrogant person, it may be something that confuses you your whole life. I find it utterly perplexing. Just when I think I know a guy’s intentions, or lack thereof I often realize I am completely wrong.  Let me give you two examples. I invite you to play along.

1. I was driving to a charity event, and I was all dressed up. I won’t lie. I was feeling pret-ty good about my myself.  But I got stuck in traffic. So I decided to make a phone call to pass the time. ( It was legal back then, okay?) I’m chatting it up, having a grand ole time, when I notice a guy signaling for me to roll my window down.

 

Now, please know that I really try to be polite to all people, even tools, and I do not assume everyone with manparts is hitting on me. Quite the opposite actually. So normally, I would roll down the window and chat it up with some weirdo to be nice.

But I was in the middle of something and I thought, You know what?  No more Mrs. Nice Guy. Why should I drop everything I’m doing just to be on the receiving end of some impersonal, poorly-crafted pick- up line?  I’m going to stand up for myself and all the women in the world that deal with these creeps! Creeps that disturb women who are just trying to innocently talk and drive!

So, I conjured up the best bitch impression I could, pointed to my phone ( a pink Razr no less), and mouthed, “Sorry”, in the most stereotypical and condescending LA bimbo way possible. And he drove off.

Success! This behavior was so unlike me, but I was sort of enjoying it! I thought, Wow, I should do this more often! It’s fun, yet also effective. I continued to bask in my glory (and mastery of the male race) when two minutes later, another guy drove up and signaled for me to roll my window down.

Uh-oh.

I had a bad feeling. I mean I looked kinda nice, but it certainly wasn’t two hit-ons in two minutes kind of nice. So I decided to roll down my window, only to hear the guy yell,

You’ve got a flat tire!

Well.

 

That’s just great. Now not only did I have a flat tire, but I had a deflated ego! How mortifying! That first guy must have  laughed all the way up the 405 and maybe even to the 10 to the 110.

He must have thought, Eh screw it. Why should I go out of my way to help some conceited brat with an ugly pink razr that thinks every good samaritan is hitting on them?!

And who could blame him?

Verdict: Not hit on.

P.S. Why do only guys notice flat tires?

2. Me and my college roommate went to Subway pretty regularly and ordered the value meal. A duh.

 

Once, on our way home, I noticed they forgot a crucial part of the meal. Like a hungry person who didn’t receive the sweet and sour sauce for her chicken nuggets, I was pissed. My meal was ruined! I turned to Carrie, and  like a starving monster yelled,

THEY FORGOT OUR ^#*^$*@! COOKIES!!!!

She looked extremely confused. Oh great, I thought. You got your cookie and I didn’t! Well that’s just wonderful!!

Instead she said, Um, what cookies?

And I said, Um, hellooooooooo the ones that comes with the value meal?

And then she burst out laughing.

You mean those cookies we got last week? That doesn’t come with the meal. Those guys were hitting on us.

Well, slap me upside the head and steal my cookie! How was I supposed to know?!?!

Verdict: Hit on. Well according to her, anyway.

Hopefully you will fare better in similar situations. It’s a confusing world, ladies. But even the shyest guy will make his feelings known if he is really interested in you. Don’t be Oblivious Olivia. Females are intuitive by nature so if you’re sensing signals you’re probably right. And you friends will step in and set you straight if you are being too oblivious or modest.

 

But don’t go crying He hit on me! too early.

You might want to check your tires first.

 

Photo found on http://swoone.tumblr.com/post/10582212657

 

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