I recently read this hilarious article about annoying couples, and it amused me to no end. It also gave me a painful flashback to a time when my boyfriend and I were stuck with “that” couple. They were our friends. They were a new couple. We thought it would be a fun night out. In reality we were punishing ourselves, because we were forced to sit through a double date which consisted of them whispering sweet nothings to each other and kissing. And sometimes talking to us. My boyfriend and I exchanged pained glances. We tried to make some jokes. We also tried some not-so-subtle coughing and sneezing. We asked the other couple questions. We tried to take shots. We challenged them to a game of pool. Nothing worked. They were newly in love, and in their own world. Unfortunately for us, it was a world which included some heavy petting in public. We made the mistake of trying to go out with “that” couple again. Then we realized they were only capable of using the word “we”, and could only refer to each other by nicknames. In fact, I’m not positive that they even knew the other person’s real name. They were a new couple, maybe they hadn’t bothered with those minor details yet.
Needless to say, now we don’t hang out with “that” couple anymore. We just watch as they write each other Facebook love letters and have the same profile picture. I am certainly not hating on people being in love. I love love. But I do NOT love couples who make other people uncomfortable. I always believe a little PDA goes a long way. Yeah, you can show you love each other. Totally fine. But we don’t need a sneak preview of what’s going to happen when you get home later that night. Know what I mean?
The reason I’m writing this cautionary tale is because I know that when you first start dating someone you fall into that new relationship bliss. In your eyes, that person puts George Clooney to shame. Which actually may be easy to do, considering now he’ll date people like Stacy Keibler. Come on, Clooney. Let’s get real. Anyway, you want to show the world how great you are together. That’s awesome. What is not awesome is insane PDA, gooey nicknames, and groping.
So when you’re out with your new guy, consider the following: What is your guy’s name? Have you called him that name or have you been calling him “Honey Bunny” all evening? If you’re going with option number 2, realize that it’s not too late to make a change. Next, take a look at your hands. Where are they placed? If they’re in your boyfriend’s general crotch area….move them. Please. Other people are uncomfortable. A subtle hand hold or arm around the shoulder is fine. Anything more than that is just awkward for anyone who is not you or your guy. If you want to show that you think your new main squeeze is great, you could simply say, “And Dave recently won an award for his _______ collection” or whatever your love’s accomplishment may be. People will be more likely to ask a follow up question this way, because they’re not trying to refrain from vomiting as they watch you guys go to second base in front of them. Know what I mean?
Also, to be fair, these rules can apply to seasoned vets as well. Just because you’ve been together for several years, you’re not free from morals and standards when you’re out on a double date. It’s great that you’re still just as crazy about each other as you were when you first met but please, I beg of you, keep it classy.
Have you ever suffered at the hands of a new couple? Or any couple in general? How did you handle the situation? Tweet me @lifewithlauren1 or find me at Life with Lauren.
Photo found on http://www.flickr.com/photos/withak/2510871627/