Two nights ago I went on another first date, which marked my 30th this year. I never said I had the best track record with dates – only good advice from dating the lemons – in other words, I’ve come to see where I’ve gone wrong.
I may or may not (but definitely do) have a long list of what I look for in a guy. Specific height requirements, job descriptions, fashion sense, humor…I think you’re getting the picture. It’s a little crazy, but it’s been in place to weed out some pure horrors.
It’s also been in place to keep me safe. You know, like when you like a guy who you know is hitting for your team. It’s because you know he can’t hurt you, so you’re safe. My list was like a safety net, I knew no one could check everything off.
I was playing it safe – really, really safe.
That isn’t a great way to play the dating game. It’s not really playing the game at all. It’s showing up to the game and only allowing yourself to be on your team. For the record, that’s not how the real world works… you need some more members.
So I cut down my list to five necessities and dating became a lot easier. I hadn’t realized how many great guys I was missing out on until I opened up my exclusive club. You don’t need to have an insanely long check list to get the right guy, you just need to know what is most important.
Step 1: Figure out what you want. I know I have stressed this in multiple posts, but it is so important. You can’t start looking for something without knowing what it is you are looking for, well you can but it’s not always going to work. The first step is deciding if you are even ready, sometimes it’s better to be by yourself for awhile. Take it from someone who put themselves on a dating hiatus for three months, it helps.
Step 2: Cut it down. Limit yourself to five (is possible) things. And make them the most important. Are you at a point in your life where you want to find someone to marry? Then you should make “open to marriage” at the top of your list. Maybe you just want someone in your life and being spontaneous is more important. Choose wisely, think about what it is that you are truly looking for. Maybe you don’t need a list because you just want someone for right now.
Step 3: Be open. Just because a guy doesn’t have the job you’ve always imagined, or the perfect hair cut, or even the eye color, doesn’t mean he isn’t worth your time. At least go on a date with him, who knows what could happen. Just try out someone you wouldn’t normally date because of one or two things they missed on your check list. What’s the worse that could happen, you spend a few hours getting to know someone new?
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