How To: Have A Fresh Start

I’ve been holding on to a lot of baggage this year. And not the pretty Louis Vuitton dufflebags, I’m talking ugly, old, ratty, bulging suitcases of the nut jobs I have dated. Apparently, I have this problem with letting go of my past? Not sure what that’s all about.

But like the start of fall, I just woke up one morning with nothing. It was like all of the guys I’ve dated (which is quite a lot for anyone keeping track) were gone and I could start anew. So that day, I cut my hair and dyed it red. A tradition that had followed me since I was 13 (although the colors and length have varied).

I’ve always been a big believer that when you’re ready to let go, you can and will. But until that moment, the moment when you are okay with actually being alone, it’s not going to happen. I had my first test a few weeks ago when an ex called for a late night booty call. Disregarding the fact that I was halfway through another pint of Cherry Garcia, on episode five of Desperate Housewives and already in my jammies (clearly not in shape for a booty call) I told him, without hesitating, that I was all set. And for the record, added that I would appreciate it if we were friends, but was not interested in rekindling anything between the sheets.

After a couple more nights with my two favorite boys, and plenty of fall premiers, I cleaned up my act. I made it clear that I was not interested in sexual relations with any past flings/boyfriends/FWB …anything.  I’m moving onto bigger and better things..and also nicer guys.

Step 1: Accept that the past is the past. That you can’t change people’s feelings toward you or what happened. If you wronged someone, and feel the need to then certainly right the wrong but just remember you probably wronged them for a reason (i.e. you heart wasn’t in it). I know that there is always that safety you go back to, but you and I both know there is a reason things didn’t work out. So stop “grabbing coffee” with that person and start working on yourself.

Step 2: Do something new. Join a new group, add a new  class, hang out with different people. The more change the better. It’s hard to get over someone when things are the same, so add something new to your daily/weekly/hourly routine.

Step 3: Tell yourself it is okay to be alone. I hate being alone, therefore, I surround myself with people through out the day to avoid it. But no matter how many people I would be with during the day time, I was always alone at night. And it sucks. Sometimes you just want a warm body next to you for comfort. But over the last month (since I’ve been on my own) I’ve become okay with being alone at night. That’s what body pillows and electric blankets are for. As nice as it would be to have someone near me, I’m fine with just having me. I can admit that even though it’s been a rough seven months, I know I’ll be okay and I know that I am loveable. I don’t need some scum bag who dumped me in my bed to remind me of that.

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About the Author,

Over the past four years I've been collecting a few million how not to date stories, mostly from the hundreds of blind first dates I've gone on. My friends have even dubbed me the MVP of dating, and after you strike out as many times as I have you learn a thing or two (i.e. Never get extra onions on your burger during a first date if you want a romantic kiss.)