How To: Remember to Love

Last weekend I fell in love on the back roads of rural Maine. My two nieces were in the backseat, their giggles echoing in the front and nothing but fields ahead of us as we drove to Pumpkin Valley Farm.

We had been driving for about 30 minutes when I realized just how much I had missed them. I wanted to stop the car, get out and give bear hugs (the kind of hugs that last for months) to both of them, but instead I kept driving. We were on a deadline after all.

Sometimes we forget that love isn’t always the romantic, mushy, rose petals in bath tubs that the media has made us subscribe to. Love is family too. And walking into their house, seeing their faces light up – that was the kind of love I needed.

Every now and then we go down to a dark, scary place and the whole “I’m not loveable” phrase comes to mind. I hate those moments. The moments when you just want to hide from the world and let it all out. Because in those moments no one can convince you that you are loveable. It’s hard to pull yourself from that and sometimes you can’t…you need someone to pull you from the sinking sand trap you created.

It’s crazy how just one smile can brighten up your week, my nieces were my life raft at that moment. The rest of the trip was spent with lots of laughing, staying up late and maybe sneaking a few candy bars here and there (I am their aunt after all, it’s my right to spoil them). By the end of the trip we were back to giving bear hugs and they were hiding in my suitcase (as they usually do) begging me to stay – but of course I couldn’t; one of the many downsides to living states away from each other.

So I drove the two and a half hour drive back to my lonely, cold, apartment. Waiting up for me was my roommate and best friend with a giant hug (we were apart for four days…it’s a long time in our minds). Last weekend was a wake up call, the kind that make Homer Simpson hit his head. I am loveable (crazy, but loveable) and the people in my life prove that countless times a day.

Step 1: Visit your family. If you are ever feeling like you will never be loved then go see your family! They have to love you, it’s the law (at least mine).  Stay in with your mom, go golfing with your dad… do the things that you used to do when you lived with them. By the end of the weekend, you’ll get it. If you don’t have family, email me. I promise to be a substitute sister with lots of love to give.

Step 2: Talk to your friends. Tell them what’s wrong, they might not be able to mend a broken heart, but they can and will tell you how much you mean to them. And that you are being crazy because of course you are loveable.

Step 3: Write it out, sometimes just writing everything out helps. Your thoughts, feelings, and stories – getting down to the nitty-gritty of what is really on your mind can help you see where these feelings are coming from. And when you know where they are coming from it will be easier to put a stop to them next time.

 

Photo found on http://carringtonlynn.tumblr.com/post/11827653942

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About the Author,

Over the past four years I've been collecting a few million how not to date stories, mostly from the hundreds of blind first dates I've gone on. My friends have even dubbed me the MVP of dating, and after you strike out as many times as I have you learn a thing or two (i.e. Never get extra onions on your burger during a first date if you want a romantic kiss.)