Many people view love as evidence of fate with the belief that “if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.” As a self-proclaimed over-the-top romantic, I was naturally guilty of being a believer…until recently. It’s not because I am any less romantic, but I have become more realistic – maybe it has something to do with aging and having to do a bit of introspective work with my therapist. My view now on the matter is 25% fate and 75% hard work.
Fate can conjure up instances where two people randomly run into each other at the dry cleaners, restaurants, streets, or even on the train leading to an amazing chemistry and connection. But after that initial moment of contact, I think that is where fate steps out and reality sets in. Any relationship, no matter how perfect the pair may be, will face some sort of obstacle. The true test that will determine the fate of this relationship is if this couple can weather the storm.
I met an American expatriate while obtaining my graduate degree on a semester abroad in Hong Kong. We were introduced on a picturesque rooftop bar in the heart of the city as friends of friends. It didn’t take long before we began dating and became very much in-like with each other – within four months to be exact. Eventually I had to move back to Texas for commencement and he miraculously landed an amazing opportunity that also brought him back to the States, but in New York. With the physical distance between us, pressures of his new job, and the shock of being back in a new and different environment, he became more distant and I was left feeling neglected and confused. Needless to say, that relationship ended. With the obstacles that we were confronted with, both of us needed to put in the extra effort to make work, but he didn’t. And even with me trying, it still didn’t work.
We tell ourselves “if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be” as a way for us to cope with our failures and desires. I have found myself comforted by my friends with this phrase on many times and occasions. However, when it comes to love and relationships, fate can bring you together, but it’s the hard work that will keep you together.
Photo found on http://isolophobic-rex.tumblr.com/page/166