It happens to many of us. We are in pure, unadulterated bliss with a boy who is as excited to see us as we are him. We partake in that ‘no you hang up’/'no you hang up’ back and forth banter at the end of our phone calls, and saying goodbye to them (even though we know we’re going to see them by dinner time) is as if we’re suddenly in the early 1900′s sending off our fighters to war, uncertain if we ever will, in fact, see them again. It’s safe to say, we’re happy. We’re also smitten and all the other positive adjectives we can think of.
Then it comes through to our phone while sitting at our work desk: a message from your old him. You know, the same one who you, at one point in time, felt these exact same things with. And though you have a current him, you respect what you and old him shared, so you have to make the grand decision: to delete or to respond.
If you delete you may offend old him, if you respond you may offend both.
The “it” I’m referring to could be any variations of the all so typical list below:
- a birthday message
- an “I just saw something that reminded me of you” message
- an “I’m moving to your city and was hoping to get some reco’s of places to move to” message
- an “I won’t tell if you don’t tell” booty call message
- a “That program you always told me I should apply for/that job you always pushed me to get, I got” message
- an “I want you back” message
And the list goes on…
I often wonder, why now? Why is this message coming through at this very moment? Could it be that this person was triggered by something or someone? If so, what was that trigger? Perhaps they are just lonely, maybe even regretful.
My tip? Blow out that old flame. Why let someone else’s current confusion complicate your current bliss?
I once dated someone who got a private Facebook message from his ex on his birthday. It was sweet, simple and I wasn’t bothered at all. I appreciated the fact that she wanted to wish him the best. I knew we were happy, and I wasn’t threatened. But him writing back more than a simple thank you bothered me. In fact, he wrote back a novelesque response making reference to her siblings and other inside jokes. Completely unnecessary.
So here are my thoughts for when a message from your ex comes your way: Notice those kind gestures, but leave it at that. Why would you respond? To be nice? To confuse and infuriate your current partner? Show everyone how mature you are and don’t fall for the need to partake in back and forth Facebook private messages, emails, texts, etc. You need to recognize that responding is only posing a problem for you at the moment. (Remember, you made a conscious decision to not be a part of old him’s life in the first place.)
Too little too late, X.
- Jenny Jen