{LDB} How To: Ruin a First Date

Meet Courtney.  She is our new “How To Girl.”  She’ll be here every week sharing everything you need to know on “How To Date” in this crazy, messed up college world.  She was awesome enough to kick start her first week with her own Ladies Dating Badly experience.

Although I’m fairly new to this, I do plan on positively helping you. With the theme of women screwing up dates, I figured my past experience of making men run screaming from the table before a second drink, might work to your benefit.

A long time ago, well okay like 3 years ago, I went on my first real date. I’m the type of girl who grew up dreaming she would be a princess and that a handsome, rich prince would come and rescue her from a boring life. Needless to say, the dates that I went on in high school never constituted as “real” dates in my mind.

So when a senior asked me out during my first year of college, I jumped at the opportunity. You know, because all guys in college, especially the older ones, are just genuine and super sweet.  Also, when they offer you another drink and then leave you while you’re throwing up, you really should keep texting them…. really.

We went out to “dinner.”  Which involved a trip to the local pizza place and then eating in his parked car. Clearly, I was in for a night of romance. I’m sure if I hadn’t said certain things our date would’ve gone better. Like maybe if I hadn’t dropped about 10  ”we” phrases or talked about how cute our future kids would be.

It could have been the box wine, or my lack of any real relationships at that point, but I was crossing the line of clingy and throwing myself into crazed lunatic…. real fast.

It’s not that I’m a clingy person, it’s just that before college, my experience with dating was limited to viewings of Saved By The Bell, Dawson’s Creek and the few awkward hand holding, movie/bowling group dates my theatre friends and I went on. Here is what TV taught me about college dating life:

  1. 30 seconds = a life long realization that you’ve been missing out on knowing this person
  2. 1-3 minutes= deep connection, finding out you both lost a parent/had a horrible surgery/both sleep with a pink stuffed bunny
  3. 3-5 minutes = first date usually winding up in a heavy make out session or at least a first kiss
  4. 1 minute= second date and meeting the parents
  5. 4 minutes = third date and proposal (which results in jumping up and down)
  6. 1 minute= married.

That’s why I was a little concerned when at the 15-minute mark we weren’t running down the aisle!

Between the amounts of jungle juice I consumed and my date hitting on other girls at the party, it was clear this wasn’t going to be my last, first date. It was there and then that I learned two very important things: 1. I will never be entirely sure of what jungle juice is and 2. Talking about a potential future should be saved for at least the fourth date.

You would think after that mess I would’ve learned my lesson, but that would’ve been too easy and resulted in way less blind dates. From then on, I would at least try to keep my cool until one thing would set me into a whirlwind of “What If-Girl.” What if we got married? What if I kept eating this entire plate of cheesy nachos and gained twenty pounds…. would you still love –I mean like — me? (I actually said that) What if we had kids, what would you name them? Would they look like me or you?” Seriously, what was my problem?!

Then, I would go back to my friends, ask what went wrong and why didn’t he call. It wasn’t until I had the roles reversed that I saw what a creep I was being.

His name was Ross and we met through a mutual friend. About half an hour into our date he started talking about “us,” asking if we were exclusive and talking about plans for three months ahead. I was ready to run, and without explanation, never answer one of his texts again. But I stopped myself and saw it as a teaching moment. I explained to poor Ross that talking about the future on a first date was a big NO-NO, that we should just keep things light while still learning a bit about each other. And although my advice was helpful, he threw a twenty down, said, “That should cover dinner,” and left.

Reason #342 why you always take separate cars when meeting someone for the first time.

So in conclusion, my basic rules for ruining a first date:

  1. Be as clingy as possible.
  2. Describe in detail what your future children will look like, their names, and the vacations you’ll take together.
  3. Drop an “I love you” in there.
  4. Chew with your mouth open, while talking to him.
  5. Pick your nose and ask if he wants some, or just study it.
  6. And lastly, give him dating advice.

-Courtney

Win over $350 in goodies by entering our Ladies Dating Badly GIVEAWAY!

Do you have a story of how you dated badly? This week, The College Crush will be featuring stories of ladies dating badly. To enter, you can post your story on our Facebook page (vlogs, blogs, or podcasts) and automatically be entered in our GIVEAWAY!  Get your creativity on, ladies! On Sunday, we will choose our favorite story and the winner will receive $100 in Bare Tree Apparel products and a 2-hour session with Dating Makeover Coach, Kira Sabin, worth $250! Gift basket will include: messenger bag, T-shirt, belt, scarf and other assorted limited edition goodies!

Deadline to enter is Saturday, July 23, 2011

 

Photo found on http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/note/page/4/838319244,837486117,836087508

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About the Author,

Over the past four years I've been collecting a few million how not to date stories, mostly from the hundreds of blind first dates I've gone on. My friends have even dubbed me the MVP of dating, and after you strike out as many times as I have you learn a thing or two (i.e. Never get extra onions on your burger during a first date if you want a romantic kiss.)