Have you ever seen someone stay in a relationship they aren’t happy in? For the longest time, I didn’t understand it. Then I realized- even when I was this girl, I didn’t think I was. I liked the guy, it was fun, but I knew it wasn’t right. It wasn’t one of those relationships I was super passionate about; it was a filler.
How do you know if you’re in a filler relationship? Chances are, you know- you just don’t want to admit it. But these are the feelings you need to really look at – before someone gets hurt:
Do you need to be needed?
I enjoyed feeling wanted. There’s just something about having someone who wants to cuddle with you at night and watch movies with you on the weekends.
Here’s the thing though you have to be ready to want that person back and until you’re ready for that, you just might be doing more damage to them than favor.
Are you afraid to be alone with your feelings?
I am fully aware of how cliche that sounds. But this really boils down to something simpler: Sometimes you need a distraction. When something is wrong, especially with school or other relationships, you might feel better knowing you have someone there. But it’s not fair to you or him.
Especially when those feelings are about a past relationship, because then all you’re doing is using this person as a filler. Trust me, no one deserves that.
Do you enjoy the drama?
It’s almost exciting, isn’t it? Waiting for that moment when you’ll magically fall in love with this person?
Waiting and seeing if maybe this is the relationship you’ve been waiting for? Because everyone knows that good things come with time?
Not necessarily. If you genuinely see this going somewhere and you can see yourself with this person without reservation and for who they are, go for it. But if you’re in it because you enjoy the drama of waiting to see if it’s right- it’s probably not.
Are you afraid of losing them?
This is probably the most difficult to deal with- liking them as a friend, but not as anything more.
But once you date someone, your relationship won’t ever be the same again, sorry. I know that when you stop feeling the way you once did about someone, it’s easy to trick yourself into thinking the relationship might be able to go back to square 1, but it can’t.The truth will come out eventually- and if you want any chance at keeping this person in your life, being honest with them is your best shot.
If you are real with yourself, you might end up breaking up- there’s nothing wrong with that.
You owe yourself the chance at that super, passionate love people are after, and he deserves someone who feels that way about him. You’re not leaving him for someone else, you’re leaving him for you.
Have you ever been in this kind of relationship? How did you realize it was time to end it?
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