Being an Aries, I believe the fire in me makes conditions conducive towards festering grudges. As pointed out by Freud, issues in our adulthood always fester from events that occurred during our childhood.
During my early adolescence I developed the ultimate grudge against my own father. I acted shamelessly spiteful and angry towards my father upon discovering his unfaithful past. At the time I did what I felt any dutiful daughter would do, I took my mother’s side. Like many relationships and marriages I never understood, they stayed together and lived in silence. Even though he was not a good husband to my mother, his wife, he tried his best at being a good dad. While abroad for work, he called almost every other day to talk to me, even when I refused his calls.
Fifteen years later, it seems as if I’m living in an alternative universe. He still calls every other day, but now we are laughing and joking like old buddies. I shockingly find myself looking for him on Skype or even calling him. All it took was one phone call to change everything. One evening my father called to tell me he had news. My mother had decided to finally file for divorce after thirty-five years of marriage. I never heard his voice so flat and defeated. The last thing he could muster was “I’m sorry…” as his voice broke off in tears before he hung up. I finally saw him as a man who made mistakes but never neglected his responsibilities, namely his children.
The meaning of grudge is to feel “ill-willed,” but holding on to toxins of any form is not a good thing. After releasing the years of resentment, I was able to form a true bond and now possess a level of respect for him that most men fall short of receiving. My father may not have been the perfect husband, but he still maintains to be the perfect father. I’m embarrassed by my immature and displaced resentment and am relieved to now fill my head with positive and uplifting thoughts and feelings. One thing is certain, each of us has a limited number of days in our area codes whether we like it or not. How will you choose to live them?
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