Not even the strongest of us can ignore the “world of smitten.”
Then, out of nowhere, something changes. Texts dwindle. Conversations stop. And let’s not talk about the lack of kisses. You’re left, iPhone in hand, muttering “umm…excuse me, what the heck just happened?”
It starts slowly at first, but quickly gains momentum. Your thoughts are spinning out of control and there’s no stopping them. Did you say something wrong? Did you offend him or her? Were you boring? Ugly? Are you a terrible kisser? You comb over every second of every conversation trying to discover what must have brought on this change of heart. It is all you can think about. It is all you can talk about. Somebody MUST have some answers! The world just might be coming to an end.
And there it is … your “crazy” hanging out. No matter how hard you try, you can’t tuck it in, cut it off or even hide it. It has started to consume you and you have no idea how to get rid of it – or the emotions that you have been left with.
The problem is that “the crazy” rarely stays in its small, little spot in the corner of your mind. Slowly but surely, it starts to ooze out everywhere. It keeps you up at night, encouraging you to start cyber stalking, obsessively check your phone for calls/texts, and it may even talk you into a few poor other choices, like late-night texts, hook-ups or other things that have you waking up saying…”that SEEMED like a good idea at the time.” It is one thing to keep “the crazy” in your head; it is an entirely different thing when you start acting on it. It is the actions that cause repercussions that new relationships can’t recover from.
After some digging, I realized that “the crazy” is actually just the deep dark stuff that somehow lies dormant most of the time when life is going swimmingly. Then something comes along, kicks your confidence aside and exposes all of your insecurities. The worst part is “the crazy” shows up when you have the least capability of dealing with it.
Acting on “the crazy” can wreak havoc on not only you but also everyone around you. Wanting to feel the excitement of love and then have it taken away from us can really be damaging to not only our sanity but also our self-esteem and how we react to the future possibilities. But there is a way to stop the crazy in its tracks, look it in the eye and walk away the winner in whatever fights you have with it.
Dating Makeover Challenge – Keep “The Crazy” in Line
I find that if you are out there “dating,” you probably have some kind of a low maintenance or high maintenance crazy going on. Here are things you can do to get you on the path to a crazed-controlled life.
1. When you feel “the crazy” a comin’ take a step back and look at the situation and ask yourself these questions: What were your expectations of this situation? Were they realistic? Did you communicate them? Is this really about you?
2. Make a point to come up with options that will keep you distracted and doing things you love and make you happy. This includes leaving temptations that might keep “the crazy” out of reach. I have a friend that will just shut down her computer and leave her phone at home if she finds herself waiting for that call that may or may not come.
3. When you are ready, take some time to sit down and look at what this is really about. For example, if you are worried that you are un-dateable, unattractive, boring or something else, ask yourself, is that worry actually a fact? (I can tell you, it probably isn’t.)
4. Now that you have identified those fears create 5 statements that counterbalance them.When you feel “the crazy” coming, say those statements as many times as you need to until you believe them. For example, if you fear that you are un-dateable remind yourself that you are just starting this journey. That college is a great time to “try on “ new people to see what is a good match. Or that you maybe just haven’t found the right connection…you never know what is just around the corner.
5. Finally, recognize that if someone was unwilling to call/text/tweet/chat to let you know what it is up, they were probably not looking for the same goal as you were. Whether it feels like it today, it is probably better to know that sooner than later.
Bottom line…the next time “the crazy” comes a knockin’, my advice, just don’t answer the door.