It’s standard practice that your significant other is polite to you, kind to you, invested in you and all that. Here’s a fun fact: “you” also means “people and things you consider important.” So while your special friend may lavish you with all that you deserve, he should also respect the other people in your life who warrant it.

For example, it’s great when he or she can engage your friends in conversation. It’s even better when they can disagree but still get along. Everyone has thoughts and opinions, and it’s all about sharing them and respecting alternate views, right? Right. So if, say, one day your gentleman or lady companion decides to rail on one of your best friends and start spewing intentionally hurtful insults, that could be something to look into.

While I may be (read: totes am) speaking from personal experience, I’m not here to vent. I’ve talked this out with friends and my mom in a calm, rational way, and have come to terms with the fact that for now I prefer to avoid the company of certain friends’ significant others, even if I enjoy the company of said friend. It did occur to me, though, that there may be more here than I thought at first glance, and some lessons can be gleaned from this experience.

First of all, it’s completely acceptable to disagree with anyone and everyone. It is not, however, acceptable to insult them with hurtful intent. While this goes for everyone in general, if your boy/girlfriend does this to one of your close friends, it means that while they value you, they don’t necessarily value the people close to you. That’s a red flag right there, and you will probably spend a fair amount of time in your relationship working through mediations between friends and your guy/girl. If they’re worth it, great. A red flag doesn’t mean you have to abandon ship. It just means you have some things to keep an eye on.

This is also disrespectful to you as well. By attacking one of your friends, this person is disregarding your place as being in the middle of it all. They put you in an awkward position because who are you going to side with? The person who has been your friend for years, or the one you’re in a relationship with? You’re the only one who can understand both sides and personalities, and aside from putting pressure on you to feel like you have to mediate the situation, they also put pressure on you to choose sides. It’s unfair to you and frankly, someone who cares about you will hopefully be unselfish enough to know that they have to work at keeping a good relationship with your close friends because it’s in your best interest.

Finally, I’m not saying ditch someone just because they have anger issues. Maybe they just feel very passionately about everything, and that can be a good thing. But be prepared to put lots of energy into dealing with it, because everyone who is not sleeping with your partner will most likely be less understanding of their reactions. Of course, this is just one quality of many that they possess, so count them all up. But also feel free to assert yourself and let your partner know that if they don’t respect you through your friends as well, there will be trouble ahead. Put your foot down because you’re worth it.

Photo found on ttp://adieemizy.blogspot.com/2011/07/jar-of-heart-who-do-u-think-u-are.html

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