Sex And The First Date

No one is entitled to anything in relationships. This applies to casual dating, too.

So you slept with him on the first date. That’s fine! Thankfully this isn’t the 1960s where you’d be Mad Menn-ed out of town for such a thing.

Here’s the problem, and it’s not with you: men think that just because you slept with them on the first date, they are entitled to sex every time. On one hand it makes sense: hey, we did this right away, it was fun, we both liked it, game on! On the other hand, who the hell are you to assume that because we sleep with you once, we will want to sleep with you every time? Sometimes, we just don’t feel like it, and it has nothing to do with you. I hate when guys get all mopey and prickly because you put a halt to the sex train for one night. Grow the eff up!

Isn’t part of dating getting to know someone? Sometimes you can do this through sex and sometimes you can do it through hanging out.

Now if this is a friends-with-benefits thing, that’s a whole other app.

But why must we be packed into a box that’s labeled “Sleep with me once, and it’s a done deal for the rest of our dates”? Again, this isn’t the 1960s, and this thinking seems old fashioned.

What do you think?

Photo found on http://treasurebelle.tumblr.com/post/8385202554

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About the Author, apocalypstick

I like to help people with their relationship issues even though I have no idea how to solve my own. You can find me on my blog at apocalypstick.com. I am totally OK if you want to refer to me as a updated Carrie Bradshaw as long as you mean the Carrie Bradshaw from the series and not the movies.

http://thedudesociety.com/ Jamie

Well, obviously people are free to fuck on date #1 if they want, but this is part of the reason I strongly discourage it, unless you’re just looking for sex.

As a guy, when I was dating I wasn’t looking for fuck-buddies, I was looking for girlfriend material. So, on one hand it was flattering when I could tell the girl was totally DTF… but I could never stop from thinking, is it me that she likes? or is this common for her? That might be unfair, but guys will definitely form certain opinions and expectations if you have one date and jump in the sack.
http://aproperfool.wordpress.com/ Eryn

I have to agree with @Jamie here. Home runs on the first date aren’t always a deal breaker, but as a girl, I know it is difficult for me to trust a guy after that. Sure, we both wanted it at the time…but I feel the same way he does. Oh. We just had sex. We will probably only ever have sex. Let’s start a fling while I find someone who wants to spend more time getting to know more than my anatomy.
It’s not that I haven’t, or that you shouldn’t…it’s that I can’t really look past that for the guy. It’s disappointing on both ends.
D

I am with Jamie as well; I’d be hard-pressed to find a loving couple in a long-term relationship who did it on the first date. Not saying it isn’t possible, but it opens up a whole lotta cans o’ worms.
dagnolia

If a dude actually believes he’s entitled to future sex based on previous sex, then he’s minimally an ass, probably also a misogynist, and at any rate not worth getting to know.

If a dude feels anxious or confused because yesterday sex was on the menu but today it isn’t—well, that’s kind of reasonable and he might be owed some kind of explanation if you value his sanity and/or don’t want to seem, you know, bipolar.

Fact: sex on a first date can easily translate to a reputation you may not want to have. Fact: any given dude (any human, really) is going to have something resembling a set of expectations regarding sex/relationships (whether conditioned by society or picked up from previous experience or whatever). If you have no idea what this other person’s expectations are, and you don’t know him well enough to know he isn’t gonna talk shit afterward, then it’s just a fact that sleeping with him entails certain risks. Risky Business. All fun and games until you wind up with a Tom Cruise on your hands.
erica

it doesn’t matter if it’s the first date or 50th when you start boinking, the guy is going to expect you to give it up once you start. whether you’re casually dating or bf/gf, your dude wants to do it. the expectation is annoying, but guys like sex, and i guess we can take comfort in the fact that, at least for the time being, he likes sex with you. as long as you’re forthcoming telling him that it’s nothing personal when you don’t have sex with him you can hopefully keep the mopey shit to a minimum.
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