I am the self-proclaimed Queen of creating awkward dating situations. (Okay, I’m the self-proclaimed Queen of a lot of things, and this is one of them.) I have stories about awkward dates that can keep us here for hours, so I won’t go into those. What I will do, though, is give you a couple of suggestions for things to say and/or do when you realize that you’re really not that into somebody on your date (usually the first one) and have nothing to say. These are for your entertainment only, and note that you will probably end up being one of those “one time I had this weird date” stories. My friends have also chipped in their awkward date stories, so buckle up, because I have some very…creative friends.
1. Start talking about all of your favorite childhood television shows.
Proclaim your love for your chosen Pokemon. Tell them about how you tried to become the Pink Power Ranger. Explain, very seriously, that Digimon will take over and that we should start training now, in case we get lost in a forest and find a refrigerator full of eggs (weirdest episode ever). The most important part about this is to keep on talking. Just watch their reactions.
2. Use your fork as your knife and your knife as your fork.
Try to cut your protein with your fork, and act genuinely confused when it doesn’t work properly. When you finally get a decent sized piece of meat, stab it with your knife and eat it. Act like you are doing nothing out of the ordinary. If you really want to take this one over the top, ask them why they are cutting their meat with their knife.
3. Talk about every single one of your habits.
Do you only eat ice cream in the dark? Do you think that Nutella tastes better standing up and straight out of the jar? Do you always start washing your left arm first in the shower? Tell them absolutely everything about your routines. It’s funny to start with your morning routine, like how many times you hit the snooze button before you get out of bed, and the precise method that you use to floss your teeth. Just skip the toilet humor…that might be going a little too far.
4. Act overly interested in everything that they say.
I imagine by now that you aren’t saying many things to your date, and if they’re like most of my awkward first dates, they will ask you random questions that come out of nowhere. Answer each of these with conviction and great detail. “Are you a morning person?” <insert two-minute speech here>.
Awkward dates don’t need to be totally boring. You can have fun with it your own way, but you might go down as the weirdest person they’ve ever met. I haven’t used any of these except for the first one (which I use profusely), so there are no guarantees for how these will turn out. Nonetheless, enjoy!
Photo found on http://allwomenstalk.com/10-ways-to-avoid-awkward-moments-on-a-first-date/