Relapse: definition – dating a person, breaking up, and then dating them again. Relapses are a strangely prominent part of my dating life. I have no idea why. My sister is convinced that I have the ability to like anybody, and that I want to give everyone a chance when it comes to dating. What a lovely way of phrasing it. She should be a salesperson. Or my personal life coach. Anyway, there are hard and fast rules when it comes to relapses. Here are a few of them. Leave a comment with anything that I miss, because I hear history likes to repeat itself…
1. Whatever happened the previous time no longer applies.
The fights are forgotten. The schedules have changed. The expectations are no longer the same. It’s hard to “pick up where you left off when things were still good.” It’ll be like the continuation of your previous relationship, and we all know how that ended up the first time. You almost have to approach a relapse like it’s a new relationship sometimes, otherwise you’ll never find peace with the same person.
2. You are older now. Act that way.
It’s easy to fall into the same habits with the same person. You’re no longer the same people – you’ve gone your separate ways, maybe even for years, and things have changed. Don’t forget about everything that you’ve learned between the break up and the relapse. You are still you, but be you “now”, not you “before”.
3. It might not be fantastic the second time around either.
One of the best pieces of advice that my friend gave me when I was considering a relapse is that “you broke up for a reason”. And it’s true. Dating them again might remind you of that reason, and that means that it might end in a break up again. I’ve walked into a relapse thinking, “this time we’re good and it’s for sure”. And it wasn’t (what’s up, single life). I’m not saying that you two are doomed to fail, because you’re not by any means, but it might not be perfect.
I don’t mind relapses. In fact, I encourage them if you think you two are good together. Just don’t expect anything magical. So if you’re considering a relapse relationship, brief yourself mentally. Treat it like it’s new – I find that helps the most. Best of luck!
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