Let’s be honest here. I’m very, very single, and I have been for numerous months now. For the first time since I started dating, I’m actually happy about this! Now, usually when people say that they’re happy about being single, they say it’s because they have more freedom, that it’s more fun, and they have time for themselves. I had this idea that being single meant that I should be going out, drinking, hooking up, and living a beautiful care-free life. That’s all fine and good, but that’s not really my thing. As a result, none of that has happened. I seem to be enjoying the single life, just in all the “wrong” ways.
More time to do work.
I’m not crazy. I’m not addicted to work. I swear! Being single means that I don’t have somebody else to worry about all the time. What I mean is that relationships are great, but they also come with their own set of stressors (check out this post on over-analyzing to see what I mean). Not being in a relationship means that I can re-allocate the stress to other things, like work. (Or catching up on TV shows. Criminal Minds can be really stressful…!)
Only doing what I actually want to do.
I can be a pretty boring person. I study a lot. My idea of a good time is watching The Food Network or reading philosophy. I don’t like to go out all that often, especially because I end up dropping at least $50 each time. Nowadays, I don’t need to feel obliged to party, or be on the phone every night. I can sleep whenever I want to (which is now at 10 pm), and…yeah actually, that’s the biggest thing. I need my (beauty) sleep. It sounds like a small thing, especially when staying up until 2 am is the norm in college, but getting a good night’s sleep means that I can do everything that I want to do during the day.
When you spend your time doing only the things that you want to do, you learn a lot about yourself. Especially in college when a lot of us are away from our families, we really begin to learn what we really like and what we really don’t like. Taking time away from being in a relationship means that you are focused only on yourself. You can travel the world all you want without worrying about your partner, or you can have quiet, relaxing time at home without having your phone constantly go off. You have time to figure out who you really are.
Self-discovery is what I’m in the process of right now. I want to be myself, and not feel like I need to constantly cater to anybody else’s needs. I’d love to do that one day for that someone special, but I’m not going to start looking for them until I know exactly what I’m looking for. (And I get the feeling that I’ll know exactly what I’m looking for once I know who I really am!)
About the Author: Vanessa Lam is entering her second year student at the University of Western Ontario. A big advocate of mental health and social wellness, she loves to give people advice about navigating your own personal health while surviving the social confusion of college relationships. She is an editor at Surviving College.
Photo found on http://scally-emo.tumblr.com/post/20033758644