(Disclaimer: I apologize for all of the semi negative topic posts lately, but I was always told to write about what you know and right now, this is what I know)
About a month ago, an old flame (he doesn’t get to be called an ex) came into my life through Google +. He commented on my posts, and I replied being my usual flirtatious and witty self. From there, we moved on to texting and with every reply I would get more butterflies. Along with a sinking feeling that it wouldn’t last.
Next was Facebook. I had deleted him after he walked out on me with no further communication. After re-friending him, we quickly seemed to pick up where we had left off with awkward jokes, using “dork” way too many times in one conversation and him pushing my buttons…in a good way.
But there were a few HUGE flashing signs, like the fact that he was questioning why I would want to start hanging out again after he was such an ass (clear sign I’m going down the wrong path). But for some reason I just couldn’t let go; I’ve never met someone who gave me butterflies the way he did. And although I know it would be a ridiculous idea to ever start something up (which he probably wouldn’t even go for) I have subconsciously been trying. Hiding behind my good intentions of just being a friend.
So where does this leave me? Walking down a lonely road with friends saying they told me so? Yea…pretty much.
The worst part of all of this is that I’ve been passing up a really nice guy just so I can still talk to a jerk who hurt me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me either.
Sometimes it’s harder to let go of what could’ve been, giving up any hope. With a relationship you get closure, and you know you at least tried. But this, which was nothing, has no closure. And with every time I talk to him it’s like I open up another cut that was almost healed.
But I’m feeling a wind of change coming soon, one that involves me finally not thinking about him…especially since it’s been 10 months now, and we were never even in a relationship.
So this article is my closure. I don’t want to cut all ties, but I can’t keep trying to make him feel something that he doesn’t want to. And it’s not going to happen until I tell myself to make it happen. Abandoning all hope has never been a strong suit of mine.
This time, I’m going be learning along with you.
Step 1: Seek closure. Talk about it, find out where you stand with the other person. Create a comfortable open line of communication where you can each say your peace and end the ever lasting dot dot dots.
Step 2: Wallow. Sometimes you need to have that night where you watch those horribly stupid romantic comedies while eating ice cream and frozen reeses and crying into your best friend’s shoulder. And it’s okay to have that, because it sucks to lose someone you care about. So cry, get angry, belt out Rolling in the Deep and have your moment.
Step 3: Move on. Easier said than done right? It’s not going to happen right away, it may take days, weeks, months…but eventually you will move on. But eventually you’ll see someone from a distance in a small cafe, maybe you’ll catch each other’s eyes and smile…who knows? Just make sure you open up your heart a little bit so you can let the love in.
Photo found on http://twitpic.com/5zig68