BFFWB | Best Friends Forever With Benefits

We’ve all been there…we have a best friend in college (that is a boy) and you effortlessly have a ridiculous relationship. It is great having a guy that is a friend (ex: he can give you all of the “so called confusing” guy advice you need, they can be there when you need a date to the bar “even if it’s not like that,” and they can be there to be a dude for you – when you need that raw, no bullsh*t relationship).

My best friend that is a guy is great.  He is one of the only guys (besides my own father) who is there to see me whine, in my sweats, and whenever I need him to be. I feel so comfortable with him; we can sit in a coffee shop for hours on end and not say a word while I read US Weekly and he reads College Humor.  In fact, we are kind of like an old married couple (seriously, so much so: there is not any sexual tension).

Therefore, the best thing about the relationship, is that nothing interrupts our friendship. By nothing I mean, (as Ben Harper once put it) “sexual healing.” Sometimes, I wish there were feelings of that stupor, because I would be honored to date my best friend.  But as much as I try, I cannot feed that fire.  He is like the brother I never had, and (to me) about as attractive as a paper bag.

But the question I am probing is; why can’t I like him?  Isn’t it natural that I should be attracted to someone I genuinely get along with on a daily basis?  He is attractive, why am I one of the only people on the planet that can’t see that? Well, sometimes, I do see that. Once under every blue moon, I am slightly attracted to him. It is weird and I’m about as confused as everyone else, but it’s there: that small glimmer of physical attraction. It is about the size of the flame on a $1.99 Pumpkin Spice candle from Target. But it is there.

But the lifespan of the flame lasts about as long as that mini-candle (i.e. about the lifespan of a fly).  So suddenly, it is wiped out of my life as quickly as it came. But what does this mean?  Why do these fleeting bits of attraction come only occasionally?  Is it when I’m extra lonely?  Is it during times like Valentines Day or when there is a lull in my own love life? I wish I could do a study, maybe make a graph of my behavior,  but I am not scientific and articulate (and slightly creepy) enough for those kind of observations.

I just have to let it be as it is.  I allow the feelings to come along, and ignore them until they completely pass.  I don’t want to ruin a great friendship, after all.

I’ve watched When Harry Met Sally. I loved that movie, because it gave me momentary answers and an option for me and my BBFF (Boy Best Friend Forever). “Oh, great, if it gets down to it, we can always get married!” But, marriage seems like ice ages away. Therefore, this makes the movie unrealistic for me, and I end up at square one all over again. Is it possible for a boy/girl relationship to exist without the sexy time?

The person whom can answer that is me. And you know what?  It may take me a while to do that.  I just need to learn to be content with waiting. Because my feelings for him may be completely voided tomorrow. Obviously, best friends can be more than friends. But what if the feelings come in small doses?  I guess the only answer is to let it ride out. Or, to get a hobby.

What do you think?

 

Guest Post by Brittany Chaffee

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About the Author,

real. college. love. advice...by really smart people.