Cutting your losses and moving on

It is easy to find yourself dating the wrong guy. It does not matter how old you are, where you live, or what you plan to do with the rest of your life. Smart women make the same mistakes when it comes to men. Here’s some hard-earned wisdom from recent college grads:

  • Examine your motives, why do you think you want something? I have learned that rationalizing is very powerful and you are probably kidding yourself into settling for less than you deserve.
  • Do not try to date someone because you are right for them. They need to be right for YOU! You are worth it! Don’t try to fix anyone or change anything about who you’re dating. The right guy is out there. Just make sure you give him a chance. At the same time, don’t waste your time on someone who’s not right for you. Trust your gut! If you know in your heart that he’s not the one for you, have the courage and respect for yourself to break up with him and start looking again.
  • Do not stay with someone just because it is a habit. Eventually there will be nothing there for you and you will be stuck. Get out when you realize that you need someone else – someone who will treat you better. It is better for both of you!
  • If something just is not clicking with a guy do not try to hold on to him hoping you can change him into what you want. You cannot change a guy; he has to want to change for you. I also believe that everyone deserves a second chance in a relationship. Remember the saying, “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.”
  • If there are any doubts about his personality, get out because his flaws are only going to get worse. Physical habits might be change-able but his personality is hard-wired and nothing is going to change him.
  • If somebody does not give you the time of day, move on. Most college-aged men are not looking to date a girl long-term. If they do start a relationship with you and it works that’s great. But do not plan for that to happen. Also, it is wonderful when a 20-year-old guy treats you well, but keep in mind that you should not treat him like dirt. Most girls I know get upset when they get burned, but forget how many times that they have done it to guys! Be nice, be funny, have your own life and have a good eye for a nice, respectable man. And don’t date a gay guy. A gay best friend is great—but don’t date a gay guy! (Authors note: Wonder if she learned this the hard way!)

We couldn’t agree more! When it comes to not dating the wrong guy it is quite simple: think about what you really want in a relationship and don’t settle for anything less. It is not about being picky. It is about truly defining what you want in your life and respecting yourself enough to not waiver. Your life will be better for it. I mean, do you really want to wake up when you are thirty years old and realize the only thing your boyfriend excels at it beer pong?

What Can You do to Make Sure You are Not Dating the Wrong Guy?

· Think about the reasons why you said yes to a second date with a guy that did not make a great impression on you? Did you say yes to a third or fourth date? Why or why not?

· Think about red flags you have observed in former or current boyfriends. What were they?

· Think about your deal breakers. Have you ever continued to date a guy even though you knew there was a serious problem such as emotional abuse or active addiction?

Milford and Gauvain are the authors of How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy: Is He the One or Should You Run? (Broadway/Random House). Gauvain works as a marriage and family therapist with clients around the country and Milford writes and speaks extensively on the subject of dating and relationships. For more information visit their blog at coldfeetpress.com.

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About the Author,

real. college. love. advice...by really smart people.