It is easy to find yourself dating the wrong guy.
It does not matter how old you are, if you are Ivy League or in a league of your own. Smart women make the same mistakes when it comes to men.
Women often settle for less-than-fulfilling relationships, plodding along with a guy who they may not even like very much, then falling into a rut without an exit strategy.
Dating is not just about hooking up and “landing” the perfect guy. Dating allows you to experience the world in new ways and more importantly experience yourself in new ways.
Unfortunately, for many women, when they get into a relationship they often lose sight of who they are and put all of their energy into him. They tolerate all sorts of unhealthy, unhappy, energy-depleting behaviors from a guy that they don’t even really like that much.
What can you do to make sure you don’t end up dating Mr. Wrong? Think about the following:
- Examine your motives – are you rationalizing your boyfriend’s bad behavior because it is easier than being alone?
- Is he a bad habit that you just can’t break? Great sex does not equal a great relationship. If the sex is hot but he’s a jerk the other 23 hours in the day, you deserve better
- Are you waiting for him to change? Sorry ladies, no one has that much power so come back down to reality and take a good, hard look at who he really is. What you see now is what you get later, only sometimes worse.
- Are you genuinely cared for and respected by your boyfriend? If the answer is NO, then what is keeping you with him?
- Clearly define what you want in a relationship and never settle for anything less.
Enough is enough. Would you hang onto a nasty old sweatshirt with stains and holes just because it used to make you happy? Hell no! It’s time to clean out the closet and get rid of those things that you just have no use for anymore. What are you waiting for?
Take a deep breath and consider the following steps:
Step 1: Give yourself some time to just think about breaking up with him.
Step 2: Say the words out loud: “I want to break up with you.”
Step 3: Take action. The trick is to do something.
Finally, call in the troops to help and support you. Get all your favorite people together and let them help you get over the break up hump. You might be surprised by how they respond when you let them know “Mr. We Can’t Stand You Either” is out of the picture.
It’s not about being picky. It’s about respecting yourself enough to not waiver or lower your standards. Besides if you are wasting all of your time with the wrong guy, you will miss out on the chance to meet the right one.
Jennifer Gauvain is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado. She is also the co-author of How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy: Is He the One or Should You Run: A Guide for Living Happily Ever After. For more information visit her website at www.coldfeetpress.com or follow her on twitter or become a fan on Facebook.