Things I Learned From My Ex-Boyfriends, Lovers, and Friends With Benefits

Not all relationships are meant to last forever, and lets face it, most of them don’t. It’s never fun to deal with a split and a lot of times, things get messy. Names are called, things are said that can’t be taken back, and we generally feel crummy. After the period of grief when you and your main squeeze call it quits you start to regain your confidence. But here’s the truth- you never should have lost it! While we overanalyze every syllable that was ever uttered by our ex, they are actually thinking about all of the good times we shared. So, after time apart, here are things that I’ve recently learned from my ex-boyfriends, lovers, and friends with benefits.

1. I’m Awesome, And So Are You!
I used to dread running into an ex. Whether it was a serious boyfriend for a former fling I always felt that nothing good could come from a future interaction. Boy, was I wrong. First off, we need to give them, and ourselves more credit. When situations have the potential to be uncomfortable, people tend to step up and act more mature to combat this head on. Instead of snickering and gossiping behind each other’s backs, it’s much nicer to reminisce and re-connect. And when you do, you inevitably remember the good times. I’ve thought that certain exes hated my guts and would have shoved pins into every inch of my voodoo doll doppelganger, but thru laughter and conversation I found out that they actually thought I was a great girl. Though it didn’t work out they still recognized that I’m pretty fabulous. Talk about a complete 180 from the thoughts swirling around in my mind. So if my exes think I’m great, chances are yours think that you’re pretty rad too.

2. Nothing Is Your Fault
The blame game is imminent, but try as hard as you can to put the kibosh on it immediately. Something else that I learned from my exes, even though it took a very long time for it to translate from my brain to my heart…nothing was my fault. Things happen. We all make decisions. But no one really blames the other for the outcome of a relationship. Sometimes people do things to expedite the demise, but the hundreds of “what if’s” you’ve been playing over and over in your head won’t help you…especially because he was never thinking that way. We tend to think that it’s hard for others to forgive us, but it’s really most difficult to forgive ourselves. Trust that your ex has moved forward and has forgiven you (whether you did something deserving of forgiveness or not). That’s the quickest and healthiest way for you to move on too. But remember that this goes both ways and you have to cut your ex a break too. While the law’s job is to determine fault in situations, your heart doesn’t have to.

3. Sometimes, The Grass IS Greener
I will never love anyone the way that I loved him. No one will ever make me feel that way ever again. I will never be with anyone that I’m attracted to like I was attracted to him. Eradicate these thoughts and the other thoughts like it from your head immediately! If you focus on the past and everything your significant other was, you will block yourself from finding someone new in your future. You may think that you had the best of your life, but you haven’t. If it was, you wouldn’t be single again. The best part about living life and growing as a person is that you realize that life is full of surprises and the unexpected thrill is what living is all about. So instead of lamenting about the past, realize that the amazing and unexpected is heading your way. While people like to say the grass is greener on the other side, you can smirk, because you know that sometimes it really is!

If you’re a believer that everything happens for a reason, it’s easy to be at peace with a break-up after some time. But if you’re still struggling with your separation, just remind yourselves of the three things I’ve listed above. And know that the best is yet to come! Have YOU learned anything from your exes?
XO,
Wannabe

Photo found on http://wishesofarose.tumblr.com/post/19675135367