We have all been there. The guy from Chem who you have been crushin’ on for a bit looks even better 5 drinks in. You are laughing, flirting and can not believe how much you have in common. What?! He likes Taio too? This is clearly destiny!
Flash forward to the next morning. After realizing that he is not prince charming, just the guy from Chem, you slip out and realize you have to somehow get back to your place and enter…the notorious walk of shame.
You can spot them anywhere. First of all they are usually up earlier than the other college students, may be wearing inappropriate clothes and the look is a dead giveaway. The “I cannot believe I went home with them! What did I just do?” guilty look face. If it has happened to you, you the rollercoaster of emotions it can bring.
First, a little rush from the exciting naughtiness attached to a usually highly entertaining story you share with all of the ladies like you are on Sex and the City. The next day or two you may experience actual dread that you may see them when you are not sure you are ready to face them after the “incident.” Finally, even though you may not be sure if you want to see them you are disappointed when they do not call which then can lead to feeling like sh*t about it and promising yourself that will never happen again. Which it usually does.
I am not a Judgey McJudgerson and am would be a big ass hypocrite if I pretended that had never happened to me (I have some real doozeys, ask me about the Halloween Cookie Debacle of 2009). Even as a dating coach, I am the last person who is going to tell you what is or is not appropriate in your life. I am leaving that to your Mom. I am, however, going to say that if you are walking away feeling like crap and it is taking a toll on your confidence, then somethin’ just ain’t right.
When I started coaching college students a while ago one of them quickly pointed out to me that no one in college dates, they just hook up. Usually drunkenly. That is just what they do. Dating does not exist. That may true (I am working on it:) but even if you are not fancy schmancy dating like old people, that does not mean you can’t take care of yourself and make sure you feel good after any encounter you may have. Remember ladies, this is supposed to be fun!
So I have put together three ways to make sure you turn your walk of shame into a stride of pride everytime:
1. Ask yourself why did you do it?
Was he too cute or funny to pass up? Or were you downright lonely? Was there a little too much booze a-flowin’? Was it for fun or a shot at love? There is nothing wrong with doing some exploring in college -as long as you are always emotionally and physically safe – but, if you find yourself heading for a hook up to fill something inside of you that is feeling sad, lonely or empty you are always going to end up feeling worse.
2. What are you expecting?
Are you expecting a night of a little fun and kissing or a new boyfriend? Whenever you lay on the expectations that this guy could be “the one” just because he wanted to take you home after grinding to Rihanna on the dance floor, it most likely is exactly what it is. Now there is nothing wrong with that, but expecting that he is going to call and want to start a relationship is going to get you a ticket on the crazy train. If you want that to happen, give him your number and tell him to call you. Don’t even get me started ladies…
3. Learn from it.
If you find that this is happening regularly and every time you feel like crap for the next couple of days, it just may not be what you are looking for. Go with your BFFs and make sure they let you flirt but also get you home at the end of the night.
I do encourage you, however, to see it exactly for what it is and embrace it. Go into it in control, making the decision to have fun and be happy about it. No one is a victim if they chose to do it, so if you make the decision to kiss someone for an evening take it for what it is. There is no rule out there that says you cannot wake up with a smile on your face and a great story in your pocket for breakfast.
Photo found on http://www.orkut.com.br/Mai
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