Wait, what? He’s not interested? In you? But I don’t understand, how could this be? You’re cute, you’re smart, you’re not needy and you can rock a good pair of nerdy glasses. So how could this guy not already be going steady with you and sitting at the same lunch table every day?
Sorry, I miss the simplicity of high school sometimes.
Ok, we’re going to break this down. You might not like what I have to say, but that’s why we have a love/hate relationship. You hate what I say, but you love me ‘cus you know it’s true and I’m trying to save you from pain and misery, which balances out the hatred. Amiright?
Walking away when someone isn’t interested in you is one of the toughest things to master. It could be as simple as someone who just turned down your invite to coffee, or as complicated as someone cheating on you. Don’t even think I haven’t sent an ungodly amount of inappropriate text messages, emails and voice mails accompanied by random non-accidental run-ins just trying to get some answers.
But that’s the thing -the answers you’re seeking aren’t there. You already have the answer, and that answer is no. No further clarification needed.
So, the real challenge is not digging for answers – it’s getting from the big “no” to a place of acceptance.Here’s some tips on how to move on.
1. Don’t try to force the issue or convince him. This includes: trying to mold yourself into someone you think he will like, settling for every little ounce of time that he throw your way in hopes that spending time with you will change his mind and most importantly, chasing him down. It’s hard to accept rejection, but it becomes easier when you remember that you want someone to be as crazy about you as you are about them. Right? You want someone to pursue you. Right? So if you stop and just think about what you’re doing, then you’ll realize you are trying for force something that isn’t there. And where will that get you in the end? I know this is hard especially if he didn’t even give you a chance, but still, it’s his choice. The quicker you accept this the quicker you can focus your efforts on finding someone who does reciprocate those feelings.
2. Put yourself in his position and realize that it is his prerogative not to be with you. (I know, where did that superfluous “r” in prerogative come from?) Just as you will not want to date every guy who finds you attractive, the same goes for him. Now what if every guy you turned down kept asking you and texting you and showing up asking for further explanation? You’d probably think one of three things: a) Eew, creepy stalker; or b) What an idiot -why doesn’t he get the point?
3. Hope will eat you alive. Hope for World Peace all you want. But when someone rejects you – the hope needs to be buried there. They’ve given their final answer. The door has been slammed shut. The absolute worst thing you can do is try to search for hope among the burning ashes. “Oh, he text me to ask how I was? That means he’s thinking about me – yay! All of my subliminal messages must be working!” No. He’s most likely just trying not to be a complete jerkasaurus since he just rejected you. The answer is still a big, flashing NO. Don’t hold on to hope that in the future he might change his mind. If he does, great. But you hoping will only prevent you from moving on and it will keep you strung out on him, stalking his every move, clinging to his every word.
Walk away with dignity. Because we all know that it’s not personal – it just isn’t the right fit. Oh well. You’ll have several not-so-right-fits until you finally find the one that works. So, in the meantime, acknowledge his prerogative to not be with you, don’t force the issue and relinquish the hope that he might change his mind.
Until you do these things, you won’t be ready and open to finding someone else. And I know you’re thinking that there will never be any one else like this guy. But oh, there will be. And he’ll be so much better. Because he’ll want you back.
Tell us, have you ever been rejected? What are your tips for moving on?