I don’t know exactly how or when, but I have been seeing a major trend happening among the college ladies I talk to and well…. it just ain’t right.
Lately, I have been hearing a lot of the following words: douchebag, asshat, and player.
I think you catch my drift.
I am a dating coach and I am the first one to say that dating can be complicated. Add all “the crazy” of college in general and technology and sometimes it can feel downright brutal. So when we like a guy and it doesn’t turn out like we hoped it is easy to go into “What a douche!” mode with our friends and and a nice box of wine.
Yes, guys suck sometimes. Sure, I could tell you all a long list of stories of guys who have done less than stellar things. It happens all the time. For whatever reason, a guy flakes and doesn’t text, stops hangin’ around or even worse, finds someone else to give his attention to. When that happens it totally and completely sucks.
BUT, for some reason, women seem to forget all the times that they have not dated very nicely. We have flaked and stop texting, stopped hangin’ and found someone else to give our attention to. Yup. True story. So it is amazing to me that when we get hurt the finger points to the guy saying, “WTF? I don’t get it! How could he have done that?!?” I am not saying it is okay that he did that, but I am saying that those very things have probably happened to him, too. From a girl. Just like you.
Don’t forget, we behave badly too. Ladies, it is time to pull this crazy train into the station and stop this effed up cycle! We need to stop blaming guys for all of the bad behavior and take a look at how we are behaving badly, too. It’s time we fess up to ourselves (and others) that our rejection of that nice guy from psych class that “just was too nice” might be causing him to behave badly to someone else.
We have to start understanding that as women we need to support each other and help to change our behavior. We need to not accept the dates we don’t want. Give out numbers (or worse! fake numbers) if we aren’t interested. We need to have honest conversations with ourselves and the person who likes us if we start to freak out and realize we aren’t ready to date them. We need to stop kissing and spending time with boys we aren’t into because we are lonely. Give guys props and flattered thanks you’s, not bitchy comments, when they build up the nerve to come talk to you (it is HARD, ladies!) We need to stop dropping our panties, drunkenly at 2 AM, because it is NEVER going to get you where you want it to anyways.
Now, you know we love our readers and are here to help! So this week we have created the Ladies Dating Badly series. A whole week of our own confessions of situations where we really sucked. Made mistakes. Hurt feelings and, that’s right…. dated badly.
We want you to learn from our mistakes and check yourself before you make similar ones. All for your entertainment. Aren’t we grand? Here are a couple that Brit and I (The College Crush Partners in Crime and Awesomeness) made ourselves. Don’t worry, there are more to come.
But don’t worry, we wouldn’t leave you out. We know you have stories too and we want to hear them! We’re hoping that we can all be honest with ourselves, fess up about our behavior, and learn from each other. We want to laugh at ourselves a little, but also realize that we are creating some of the very behavior that we are complaining about…. and sometimes even doing it ourselves!
This Week’s GIVEAWAY: Just to give you a little push to share your own confession, we have a giveaway from our very, very cool friends at Bare Tree Apparel. When you post your story on our facebook page you will be entered into our drawing of over $100 worth of awesome stuff from Bare Tree, and of course, we will think you’re the shit. We encourage you to write a post, upload a video, do some audio, write a haiku…. anything! Creativity points count. Our favorite story at the end of the week will get our kick ass gift set, as well as get high honors from The College Crush and their bloggers. Oh, and a free 2-hour session with me worth $250, where we can discuss anything you want to help you get off the crazy train and find the love you are looking for.