This last week, I was up late, couldn’t sleep (it’s a problem) and ran across my interns facebook chatting about their latest boy situations. They are used to me, at this point, jumping in and seeing if they are needing some advice. I call it thoughtful, some may say bossy. But I love my ladies and I hate to see them hurting and one of them was “hurtin’ for certain.”
I asked what was going on I saw a lot of the usual suspects showing up. Confusion, frustration, doubt, sadness, hurt and downright pissedoffness (yes, that’s a word!) and as I saw the text fly before my eyes, my heart hurt a little for these ladies. I know what it feels like to share a connection, feel the like and then say “wtf?” when they don’t call, follow through or leave you hangin.
It’s hurts like a b*tch.
I then saw them go into LAM (Lady Attack Mode) that I had seen myself and so many of my friends default to in the past. “He’s an @sshole. He’s a douchebag. He’s a player. He doesn’t deserve you. They are all @sshats. Men suck.” I think you know the drill.
Because I know and have been there. Many, many times.
The time when you are hurting or even get a whiff of getting rejected. Without trying too hard we are usually able to assemble a pretty kick @ss army of ladies to join the fight. Armed with boxed wine, chocolate and technology needed to make their friend feel better, get a buzz and slay the enemy through cyberstalking, mean texts and not-so-cryptic tweets and status updates.
But wait! (Mind blowing starting in 5-4-3-2-1)
What if they aren’t the enemy?
“But Kira!” you say, “Have you met college guys? They are jerks. They don’t call when the say they will. They make out with us and then don’t contact us. They lead us on and then leave us standing there, feeling like crap, with a one way ticket on the crazy train.”
Ok ladies, I am going to give you some truth today and you may not like it, but it is not my job for you to love me every second of the day. I can win you over again next week. But this needs to be said, and I want you to sit down and really hear this. Breathe it in and let it sit in there until you believe.
Guys want love too. They really, really do.
I am not going to go into the fact that a lot of the behavior that is happening with guys is bad behavior that you are allowing and hence, training them to believe is ok. I already wrote that article. Here it is.
I am here to tell you that we are all here to connect, to feel, to love. It is a human need to want to feel that. To have someone in our lives who makes us laugh, think, hope, dream and at the end of the day can give us a hug, a sweet kiss between our cheek and ear and tell us tomorrow will be better. Someone who let’s us walk around with our guard down and subtly know they will take care of us when things are tough. Someone who laughs at our ridiculousness and knows when to carry our heart gently, knowing how fragile it is on rough days. Someone to make this crazy journey a little happier.
But like you, they are scared. They don’t want to get hurt or rejected. They don’t want to try and fail. They don’t want to let you down. So many times it is easier to not try or to cut and run rather than have anything too serious where there can be some bad fall out, where everyone ends up a little broken.
Now ladies, let’s be honest, we don’t always make it very easy for them, do we? Many times when the guys who are more ready reach out to us, we shut them down. Without knowing it we make it harder for them to reach out again. Then we wonder why they don’t approach us, ask us out or take the lead.
Life and love is hard and so many days we walk around this earth protecting our hearts from being hurt. Scars always remain from situations that make us shy about trying again. We all are getting so good at it that real honesty and communication is becoming obsolete. True connections are rare. Finding someone who is willing to open up their heart to you is going to be tough, but here is the good part: it can start with you. Let down your wall, invite someone in who is able to give you something back, and meet love halfway.
This is battle that I take on with you, who is willing to try with me?
Photo found on http://metroline.tumblr.com/page/73