I know, you were just enjoying your mid-Wednesday-morning cup of coffee and here I am dropping all the controversy. Get used to it, ladies.
So, I woke up this morning and it occurred to me I needed to delve into the topic of cheating — because if there’s any time in your life when cheating will be prevalent, it’s the college years. Hopefully, it will dwindle after that, but I can’t make any guarantees. It also occurred to me that this is way too complicated a topic to discuss in one post, so this will be part 1 of my series on cheating. I like to call it “Cheating, Part 1″…. It took me an hour to think of that title.
I don’t think it’s possible to ever completely know the science behind why someone cheats. We can speculate. We can ask. We can analyze it to death with our girlfriends, going over each and every different scenario. But let’s be honest, you’re never going to hear a guy say, “I cheated ’cause I was just sick of you and didn’t know how to break it off.” Am I right? Or am I right?
In the past 15 years of my dating life, I’ve observed many different cheating scenarios. Some of them first-hand. I’ve discovered that there is a whole grab bag of “types” when it comes to cheaters: one-hit wonder cheaters, compulsive cheaters, remorseful cheaters and blatant cheaters.
Although I wish I could just end this post with: “He cheated, so go eat a cupcake and never think about him again,” but I realize that we are women. We need the reasoning behind a decision or we can’t friggin sleep. So, based on everything I’ve observed, heard and learned, the reasons for cheating usually fit into one of the following categories:
(Disclaimer: I don’t condone cheating under any circumstance)
WHY HE CHEATS:
1. It’s what he knows. Perhaps his father was a cheater. Maybe his best friends are all sleazebags. Whatever. Everyone is accountable for their own actions, however, people mimic behavior (especially when it comes to a parent/child relationship). Maybe he wasn’t ever taught respect. These people tend to be the compulsive cheaters who end up with 7 ex-wives and fifteen random children.
2. He is unhappy. Settle down, I’m not saying it’s your fault. I’ve seen this go both ways, where one person’s needs are not being met but they don’t communicate that because they are afraid to. This obviously causes the person to search elsewhere to meet that need. Maybe he feels like all the fun has gone out of the relationship and he wants that carefree feeling back. Well, that isn’t your fault, and he needs to tell you to see if it is something you can work on before he looks for it somewhere else. If one person isn’t happy, there is a big chance that their partner isn’t either.
3. He likes the thrill. Although it goes against our very nature to accept this fact, we must. Some guys just like the thrill of doing something wrong. They like the chase. They want what they can’t have. They like sneaking around. They want their cake and their brownies too…. Or something like that. Of course, they will never admit this to you; however, I have had many guys admit this to me. These type of guys are hard to detect and catch because they are like a fine-oiled cheating machine.
4. He is insecure. Uh huh. A big percentage of cheaters are people who are insecure. They need constant affirmation, emotional reinforcement and physical connection. Since relationships are full of constant ups and downs, those who are insecure will often look outside of their relationship when things aren’t peachy. Most of the time, a person’s insecurity has almost nothing to do with their partner, and everything to do with the fact that they have some deep-rooted personal issues to work out.
So… what do you do with this information? Are there really one-hit wonders who will never cheat again? Or should you just walk away from them all?
Check out the post, He Cheated, Now What?
Guess who would never cheat on you,