I’m going to make a conscious effort, right here and now, to stop giving myself an ulcer. I am not past Almie or future Almie; I am present Almie. I can’t just sit back and let Future Almie take care of everything and I can’t blame Past Almie for everything. If I keep it up at this rate I’m going to wind up like F. Scott Fitzgerald but, you know, without the talent or the career. I’ll just be a poor drunk who dies of a massive heart attack. Or I’ll wind up like Zelda and I’ll go mad and die in a hospital fire. I’m not sure which death is worse. At least F. Scott was probably wearing a nice sweater vest.
Every time I want to skip past this part of my life or let my wind wander to another time I am going to take a deep breath, simply to remind myself that I am here now and alive now. One day, God-willing, I will be old and I will wish that I were in my place right now, typing this, worried about my future career and lack of love. Then I will really want to kick Past Almie’s ass. But then I won’t have learned my lesson at all. Even talking about it now clearly proves that I haven’t learned how to be in the moment. I am never going to be Mick Jagger. I am never going to be Charlize Theron or January Jones. I am never going to be Marion Davies. I am never going to be Oprah. I am never going to be Ellen Paige. I am never going to be Jeff Golblum. I am never going to be Serge Gainsbourg or even Charlotte Gainsbourg. But I will get to be me. I will get to be Almie. I will get to be Apocalypstick. So I’m going to honor that and I’m going to let that mean something.
I believe that “Let It Bleed” is by far the best Stones album. I can’t stop listening to “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” How many times in my life have I heard this song? In how many movies, TV shows, and Coke commercials? How many times have I wondered, what the hell does this song actually mean? When has Mick Jagger not ever gotten what he wanted? Did he want the private jet but could only get first-class commercial? And am I a hopeless teenager at heart for wanting to apply this song to my own life?
No matter. If I can’t get what I want, I’ll find a way to get what I need. Not what I’ll settle for, mind you. There’s a difference between getting what you need and getting what you can get. I’ll get what I need. Seriously, this song and the Mary Tyler Moore theme song may have changed my life. How will I make it on my own? This world is awfully big…but it’s time I started LIVING! I’M GONNA MAKE IT AFTER ALL! MEOWING CAT! I’LL GET WHAT I NEED! CHOIR OF CHILDREN FADING OUT! I’m going to be genuinely happy for people, and anyone who isn’t happy for me doesn’t deserve to be in my life!
I’m going to start enjoying this weird and awkward time in my life the way mothers love their weird and awkward preteen children.
Originally posted here at Apocalypstick.
Photo found on http://bibzornot.tumblr.com/post/5480278759/you-cant-always-get-what-you-want